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I've been doing random things while sitting on my chair here in the office. I've already finished my tasks as early as before lunch time took place. I have been thinking randomly because I was dead bored. Time seemed to passed by more slowly, I was praying last night that time would run by slowly though. Sigh! And I think I'm suffering the consequences of asking such foolish thing. When I asked about giving me a slower time, I was actually pertaining to those moment wherein I have loads of errands to do. And so I want to fill my days of some important, or even not so so important thing that would make me feel it's a worth staggered time lol. Writing keeps me company at all times. Even when I am alone, its all I do. There's nothing more fulfilling and relieving when I had time to pin down my thoughts. Whether its a serious matter, a funny one, a cliche one, as long as there's a thing that fills my mind, I knew I just have to write it! Most of times, it's also easier to tell something to someone by writing a message for them. Maybe that's the reason why pen- pal and love letter were a hit way back classic years :) It gives vibrant feeling when you read a share of story that cultivates a lot relevant to your life! Or something that reminds you of love and peace. Or even when you have an enemy. Its the easiest form of bragging out what you feel against someone else! Writing makes you more fierce and smart! It gives you time to analyze what you want to be spoken out towards people. Its both mild and harsh. Its both safe and risky. Its both personal and social. Its both non-affect and influential depending on how you use it. I have been using writing in all possible approach I know. In the positive and negative ways. I remember having had my blog account reported by unknown viewer as malicious and abusive that resulted to turning down my site for a long month. I felt terrible and depressed when it happened! It's like, someone just got stolen my half being. I even considered making another site but a few days, I turned down the idea. This blog has been my biggest confidante from the year I started it. It has been running for three (3) years now and I am so happy that i have made a place wherein I could always flip back the pages to have a glimpse of my beautiful past. From beautiful I meant the love and hate I have encountered. The failure and fall downs and when I learned to stood up and bring back my life to its course. The beauty of imperfections in my life that molded my identity now. Writing releases all the tensions that's been rising within my heart. It gives me sanctuary. Its a natural phenomenon in my life.
You, how do you use your alone-time? How do you vent out your feelings? What and where is your comfort zone? What makes you happy? What is your passion? Have you already find who you really are? Have you discovered already your talents? Have you been following your heart desires? Or are you still afraid to decide for your own and still depending what other people tells you to do? Are you just doing important things for others but something you feel not worth your time? Are you dreading yourself everyday to finish a task, an assignment or any responsibilities and obligations that's on your head?
I realized now how imperative it is to follow your dreams. To stick with your principles. That even at a young age when you have discovered what your heart desires you must have go through it! I am not saying that I hated how my life turned out today, I am not even saying I hated that I took nursing course instead of journalism in which was my first choice right after I graduated my secondary year. I am very proud of my self and am very glad especially seeing my parents so victorious when I hadn't just graduated a four year degree but also when I passed the board exam and having had to experience going to SMX convention center to take my oath as a "registered nurse". It was the most fulfilling moment of my parents lives and I wouldn't change that for anything. It's only, knowing that I would have excelled in a different field which I would have been very compassionate. At first it felt, I wasted four years doing not the very thing I wanted. And yet, just this morning, every thing just dawned on me. It's the greatest course of life that God has directed me. He knew that he needed first to brought me not onto my comfort zone. That at the very beginning he shelled me out of it. To learn to strive hard. To learn to danced with the music of life. And from these, I learned to humble myself. That humbling oneself is extremely important to be the kind of person who knows it all yet, does not become boastful but rather embrace new lessons in life regardless of people's level of knowledge, living and circumstances. I'm thankful of our Lord God that he honed me into a person I am today. I'm still young and I know that whatever my heart seeks for, as long as I have big faith with big bro up there, I know in his almighty time, it will happen :) I'm going to sort out ways to reach my goal, and that is to take the course I've envisioned for so long. I will act as I pray. I will let God's grace and love for me to fill my heart as I welcome my journey aboard :)
