im doing my thing =)

yeah some sort of relaxing stuffs i could use to bit up my boring day! i was actually looking for some time alone, but geeez!my family wouldn't let me! nah! dont get it wrong, i meant they did go wherever i am, stay where i am, maybe not intently doing it, since they don't even knew i wanted to be alone. And right here, in our tiny home? it's really hard to hide when you dont want to be seen by anyone..i dont know! its just i wanna think things, i want to sort out something on my mind like, why am i so obsessed of such thing that had past a long long years ago? why it is still hunting my thought? you know that kind of thing like you want to be at peace but you could not, cause there was a thing or idk what that is in my mind that kept pushing me to think of all those things all at the same time..you dont know how tiring it was when it's been happening a bit longer than a year or so.. and YES i am really obsessed! i cant help but think harder even the slightest thing happened in my day..in my life, like.. it affects me not only on the day where it happens but even for a week, a month and worst...even for a year and 3? i hate it like this because i wanna rest! rest my mind even just for a day you know, just to prove i can control myself or better... my mind. that way, i would be motivated to try to control whats running on my mind every single day that i woke up.

yeah! i even promised not to be like this every morning when i wake up..but i really dont know why it is very hard for me to do just that..i even prayed every night that the next morning, when i wake up..i wish my mind is nothing but all brand new. nothing on it but the new brighter day that awaits for me to filled up. (sigh)

And maybe theres; really such thing that is out of your control, thing you cant really avoid even you tried hard..and maybe i just need to live with that. i know i ain't the only one who feels like this, who thinks like this, i know theres somebody out there and..and..would help me sort thing like these out

for the mean time...THERES NO PLACE LIKE HERE by Cecelia Ahern
i guess this book affects my mood..and realized what i am going through!

 A novel book with lots of mystery in Sandy Shortt's head..just like how my my mind works.
very interesting book, it talks about everything in life, with a twist on it..  
Never thought of things or person that suddenly disappeared and never found out? without any criminal proof for people who were missing, and no idea where that god damn thing you knew very well where you hella put it? did you ever think the thing that gone missing in us..or lets say people that suddenly had gone in our lives and never showed up? where do you think did they go?
..And  this book would definitely bring us to where they'd go..and where they belong if not here in this visible  world.

a simple mirror from Singapore..my mom bought a three for each of us ( including sister)

you really dont know how obsessed am i..do you?lol Some of my colors. im buying one by one every month or two so it doesn't hurt much my pocket..and yeah, i do polished my nails my own. going regularly in a parlor isn't quite practical for me

and thats it! enjoy my boredom!


THE GIRL AND I...inspirations

there was this girl whom i used to hate..but knowing more about her makes me feel, we have too many in common..specially how being so stupid in love we could be..such as about a man who used to ignore us on fb lol!

it's fun though we really have so many things that i find myself thinking,, if we will be given a chance to know each other or, if any all possible, be friends,i guess we could definitely understand each others heart aches and feeling. reading her story gave me a window to know her internally..and could say that it feels like she's also writing down the story of my life.. it just scares me that the past love she had, where she found herself too dumbed, martyr and not good for her man..is the same as what i feel with my current! i know i have no right to compare him to the man this girl is talking about, but i cant help myself..because i know every single word she said was like a snap on my face that "hey you are being taken for granted as well! can't you see that? the ignoring part? the no comment on fb part?the no care as hell even he knew you're hurt and was crying part?f*ck that you still don't want to wake up!"

yeah maybe this girl would understand me if she knows who i am, and she even have a chance to talk to me, i know that she would be able to see what i am going through just to make all things work for me and the man of my life..i know she could help me to sort out things to be able to function well, and could give me warnings and cautions if i am being to drowned of my man, being too dependent with my man as what she was before. and,, and i could feel that i am taking the same path she had taken, i am scared to continue walking into it...i don't know if i could be as brave as her..but still, i love my man so whether i like the path or not, i'm still going to go on that way even when its rough! because i am still fighting for us! and i could feel and see that he is trying too and I appreciate that so much! but he is the type of guy that is good for a short period of time, NO!don't get me wrong okay? i mean when we had a fight or argument..yeah, he would realized if he has a mistake and would definitely changed for good, he would be the sweetest guy of all!he would tell me what i want to hear, the man i want to see in him..but not for a long period of time!i guess when he feels like everything is so okay, he would slowly go back to what he was before...not staying to what he is now when we are   much better when he's like that. okay now it's confusing but i know some of you out there could clearly understand me..

and maybe this is the end of it..i can not write down all that i want to say and all that i feel, specially that we are much better right now! we are happy, so much happy and so inlove and still not giving up, since we are not ready to give up =) we are both keeping each other as a treasure that can't throw away, and even i find him so much happier being with friends, with his toys/games and pursuing his own dreams without me in there...YET..not in his plan yet but  after pursuing all his dreams for his self.. i know am the next =) well i hope i am haha!

every single words inspires me

you have 10 choices to be successful in life, you just have to choose what are you....

This may shock you, but i believe the single most decision i can make on a day to day basis is my choice of attitude. It is more important than my past, my education, my bankroll, or my successes or failures, fame or pain,  what other people think of me or say about me, my circumstances or my position. Attitude keeps me going or cripples my progress. It alone fuels my fire or assaults my hope. When my attitudes are right, there's no barrier too high, no valley too deep, no dream too extreme, no challenge too great for me.

very good book to start gaining new dreams and hopes for all people aspiring for better life..and I is included in that =)

when you think life is being too unfair on you, you can lean on someone's shoulder..or..lean on yourself. have faith in him is having faith in yourself. loving him is like loving yourself and others. having confidence is trusting him as well as yourself..and you are good to go :) life is tough, very hard to predict but you have a choice..choice to go on and be brave to sync in those challenges and risks and find your way into life you were once aspire...

GREAT ATTITUDES IS A CHOICE...so choose wisely lol!

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