6.22.2017

Boredom Strikes!



1. Is boredom can be linked to depression and demotivated individual?
2. Is boredom can be linked to euphoria and well motivated individual?

May be number one is "yes" for some, but "no" for others, and vice versa.
Well for me, it depends on the foundation of one self, in terms of emotional, psychological, and spiritual strengths of a person.
If a one person is use to feeling really low, upset, and gloomy most of the time, to the point that it becomes a habit to him, there is a big possibility that he would fall into number one kind of boredom.
If on the other hand a person is feeling grateful, praying, reflecting, happy, then he would probably fall into number two kind of boredom.

As for me. I think I am a manic one haha! Kidding aside, many years ago, I was in a number one kind of boredom. I perceived boredom as a threat to my inner peace. I linked boredom as a symptom of my depression, or a symptom that I think, my instinct was telling me that some thing wasn't right. It was more evident when I was in a relationship that made me very insecure. When boredom strikes, I would automatically think that my ex boyfriend would be doing something that he must not do when in a relationship. So what I would do was to go all the way from where I am at the moment it strikes to where he was. Imagined what a hassle that could be for me? Or there were times when I would get bored and then I would think of so many sad and bad things so that I would cry. Imagine how worst I was coping up with boredom. And then there was this transition year in my life, when I was already single, a lot have changed and I guess, one day I just woke up and realized, I am a different person already. I enjoy so much moments when I am bored because that gives me lots of opportunities to read, to explore my blog (by the way, I customized the design of this blog hehe), I watched lots of movies and series of shows. And then there were moments that I go shopping, or even worst stays home and just do my own tutorial make up in front of a mirror and take a lot of selfie afterwards. See? I was really a different person after a break up haha! It continued up to my marriage, but until I gave birth to Tessa, my lovely daughter. I go back to becoming a number one kind of boredom, because Tessa's health have been compromised for two years! And that made me really depressed, sad, a worry wart, and a lot more definition of negative emotions. When I'm alone, I would automatically feel worried, and would write in my diary how insecure I was, how I hate life and a lot more more pitiful kind of thought provoking sadness. And then now, Tessa will turn three years old and her health is more stable now,and all the three of us (my husband, me, and tessa) already have our health cards that makes security and peace of mind in terms of our health and wellness. But these past weeks, I am both. There are times I am number one kind of boredom because I worry about my career ladder, or of our finances and of our expenses. Then one day, I would be the number two kind of boredom, who would be so sipag to do house chores because I am happy, or I would read a lot, play, sing and dance a lot with my daughter, serve and be so kind to my husband (haha) and calls for a food delivery a lot when I am so happy with my boredom (my euhporic boredom is makingme fat) :D

If you would ask me, why it was like that. Why there are kinds people, like me to be precised, who for a split seconds, can change attitude depends on a certain situation. It seems that I have no consistent attitude, where I could say I am authentic because I cope up the same way with different situations.

Others may have it easy and could just use boredom without so many hassle. Yet there are people like me again, who it takes a lot of energy and effort to cope up with such thing (called boredom). But if I would be asked for my opinion. I guess, its just a part of life and it does not mean anything deeper, unless we stay in a number one kind of boredom for consistently many years, up to now. It is not bad to ask for help, like counselling or join a group that have the same issues being faced. Support system such as closed trusted friend, closed trusted family member, husband who understands and is patient, a loving, sweet child would really help a lot to cope up. The number two kind of boredom for me, needs less of help or assistance because they see opportunities in moments of boredom. So let them be bored hehe! For number one kind of boredom, my advise maybe is, let's avoid criticism, and misjudging them as a self pity, anti social ones. They need support the most. They may not tell it directly to their loved ones, but maybe they just don't trust themselves so much to think that people might not be very understanding of their situation. It's not that they mistrust people around them, its just that, they don't trust themselves enough to think that somebody out there could help them. They are less confident, so they really need someone to boost them emotionally, in a positive way. We can of course pray for these people that we know are experiencing such situations. Lend a helping hand, kamustahin from time to time so that they will gain confidence in themselves that someone out there are very willing to listen, to help, and to be there in their dark moments. Let's be more compassionate in dealing with these people, because they need it the most.

Are you willing to be a person who can transform lives? Who can inspire and enable people to adopt to thing whether it's good or bad? Are you will to impact these people's (the number one kind of boredom) lives?

Then now is the best time to be that person to someone. As in now :)

You must be compassionate, just as your father is compassionate. Luke 6:36

If we say we are his, we must follow the example of Christ. 1 John 2: 6

6.21.2017

Move myself

Photo grabbed from Google

Here I am, sitting on a chair, in an L shape table with the sound of my laptop's keyboard. Yes, I am typing in my blog! What a great feeling it is to regain energy in blogging. I never have been so true to my words of promises to relive my blog. I actually have listed down so much lists to blog. But nothing have been in good use and it has never been posted.

For whatever reason, I get to always procrastinate. Usually, I give more importance to sleep, slouching on a couch or a bed while browsing Facebook, IG and reading blogs as a source of inspiration. I also have stopped devoting time to read a Bible and write in my diary about what I learned from the Bible verses. I also seldom pray now. Well I do the informal praying in my mind, and usually when I need it so much, and also I just play Christian songs so I will get by a day. It's like its really good to do nothing for longer period of time, but that is, if you are using that nothingness to reflect on life. But if you are using it with unimportant things, then I guess you are just fooling yourself out and you really is not maximizing the time and resources that God has bestowed you with.

So as I am being influenced by the Bible application that I am currently using now, I decided that I have to move around more than what I have used to do. I have to clean the house more than I slouch on a bed or a couch. I have to read bible and I have to write in my diary more than I read blogs and listen to christian songs. I have to pray intentionally more than informally, like praying while I'm preparing for work, or eating breakfast or in a meeting. I have to devote a free time to be able to hear God's plan for my day (as well as for my life for that matter). I don't know why am I having a hard time choosing to move myself, though I know it will make much better outcome in my day and in my life in general.

If I am to plan now, maybe, since I have been writing, praying, and promising myself so many times in the past 2 years? It is now time to just plan one major step.. and that is to move myself from where I am now, to where I want to be. :) No promises,but to just act on it. No lists of plan, more on lists of accomplishments. I know I can make it by God's grace and wisdom. He will help me surpass my issues regarding procrastination. He will support my choice of moving myself. He will guide my journey. Because God is in action when he know you are doing things that will not just help you, but will also help the people around you, because God knows when you are in your proper ambition :)

I will keep on trying!. I will keep on fighting! Because God is good all the time. He is compassionate and he's will will always be done. I just have to make myself believe more than I used to believe before.

I pray today, that God will also touch your heart, as he touches mine in a deepest way possible in the past weeks. I pray that we will move ourselves to a greater good, to be able to be an inspiration, and a role model among people in the world. I pray that all of us Christians will be able to have the eagerness and perseverance to influence the lives of many so that this world will be a better place. :)

I thank you Oh, Lord Jesus Christ because you are good, you are merciful, you have compassion even to the most undeserving like me. You love us even in our dark and doubtful moments. I ask for your forgiveness in times I get angry of you. In times I feel like you are not in my side. In times when I feel that you are making things so hard for me, when in reality, I am making things hard for myself.

You are a God of power, and of authority. But you stayed merciful despite the humanities sinful desired and doing. Despite humanities taking for granted this earthly world you bestowed upon us. I now choose to be among people who contribute to goodness, and to contribute to Godly deeds to glorify and praise you.

Thank you Lord God for the brand new provision you have given me today. I will use it willingly as I change my life, lest I may impact change in the world. :)

Have a changing life for the greater good everyone!

Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature; old things have passed away; behold, all things are become new. 2 Corinthians 5: 17 KJV

I am crusified with Christ: nevertheless I live: yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me. Galatians 2: 20 KJV

All the ways of a man are clean in his own eyes; but the Lord weigeth the spirits. Proverbs 16: 2


3.24.2017

Stand, don’t fight.

These seemingly simple words resonated with me after I read it. These words are exactly what I must practice towards my husband as we always look at things differently. We have different habits, different way to think and to plan. And usually when we try to have an open conversation, it would end up with a fight, an argument and a misunderstanding.
It makes the house tensed and somehow my mood affects how I treat my daughter. I hate it when I end up fighting with Jp although he wasn’t really into fighting. He just says things differently and he just wanted to be honest on what he truly feels. But some days, I just feel that he’s attacking me with my belief, and with the way I think.
I would usually say, he is not respecting what I have in mind, or what I just said, but it was actually me who was judgmental and couldn’t stand him when he have a different perspective in terms of saving up money, priorities at home and at work. What and when to buy stuff, about family and relative relationships, and so on.
I guess it rooted up on seeing the ordinary jp with his flaws and all. It wasn't visible pre-marriage. It was all love, understanding and acceptance. But when we got married, especially when tessa was born, everything has changed! We discovered a lot that we don’t like in each other.
Annoyances such as, how the bathroom looks like after he takes showers. How he is not putting in a bin his dirty laundry properly, how he isn’t making the bed after he gets up considering he was the last who wakes up. His non- initiative to do household chores when I don’t say or command him to. And then he would feel bad when I nag because he did not do it on time (on time I mean my personal deadline for him). He also annoys me whenever he would make lambing but I don’t like the way he’s making it. And the list goes on.
There’s a lot to hate about my husband considering our 3 years of being married. What can come worse than these? What if we are in our 7, 10, 15 years of marriage? Are there more I do not know about him?
I pray today that God will cleanse my heart from so much annoyance with my husband just because of his negative attributes. And to replace it with love, care, patience and more accepting attitude. I pray that I will count more the good traits which he possesses than the bad ones. I pray too that I won’t get annoyed or irritated when he tries to communicate or share things with me. I pray that  I will see reasons why I love him and reasons to love him even better! I know that I need to pray for us as we are going to be in the journey of marriage forever. And since this is our fate, I want to choose happiness over merely annoyances.

If I love my family, I must love my man equally; our daughter can see how we treat each other.


So my learning today is to stand for what I believe, but do not fight for it. Instead, pray to God that we find understanding in the midst of differences.
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