Her-Dainty-Mémoire: 07/01/2011

and so..i was thinking then what to do when i thought this page wasn't functioning anymore hehe. i was kind of upset from who ever it was who reported my page as an abusive one. but oh well im done with it! and im done with them :) and now im back. and getting myself stand up and do my thing. things that is all brand new i swear it to God and all the Goddess including me of course :p actually..to start this one, i just got home from work. i was on field at morning and get back in the office by afternoon. i just felt so pissed about this nagging cough the entire day i was talking to my clients. i felt like a heck that i had to composed myself and tried to control my sneeze or else i lose them! and to pissed me off more? i kept on coughing with that rough and crunchy sound of my well uhm well uhh sputum haha! and people was like staring at me, and some looked at me with disgust ("the look that says:oh man get outta here you're spreading virus look"). thats really was not cool and my poise is gone. pretty boys would look and smile at me until i sneeze on their faces and then the smile fades and they would look away.i was wishing to get invisible right then! and now my stuffy nose is getting worst. i thought that after my fever for 2 days i would be well already. but i have been sick for 2..3..4..5 days! oh GOD make me healthy please and also my God please give me some fats on my belly and shoulders?they're so thin and skinny, they werent calling me sexy anymore. i am too petite! hmm anyway, i guess enough about my complaints hehe! demanding girls isn't cool. you know just take it from me :) you can call me expert if that is haha.

but going back to what i want to say here. i just want to thank all the people who truly understand and never leave me when i was so down and was hating the world. when i was hating even myself and people whom, i think hurt me un intentionally. maybe this is it. this is what we called life. we are making our own destiny. if you want it, you'll keep going for it. and you'll be destined to be in it. but if you dont or if you dont want to be in it anymore. you'll gunna find and sort all the way to get rid of it. and you'll be destined not to be in it. you could be hurt by anybody, and could hurt anybody as well. life is always fair and unfair when giving people happiness and struggles. when life gave you happiness, be thankful and make the most of it. and when life gave you struggles, live with it. stand with it.fight with it. and be strong. play along with the life, because thats the only way you will learn. thats the only way you will survive. thats the only way to keep you moving. and the only way for you to grow up. if you know me very well, you would know how weak i was. my personality was quite a mess since there was so much of insecurities within me. yes maybe i made that to myself but it was also because some people (so to be safe lol) made me feel that way. some made me feel that i was the one to blame. and i need to break that insecurity. built a new persona that full of security coming from me, and mostly coming from God above. i know it will need a lot of hard work and time but i am down for it. i am doing this for me, for my family and friends. i've gone through this process before and i will be more mature and strong now. i thought at first that it would be hard, that i couldn't make it. but people who believes in me and in my strength never loses their faith that one day, i will stand up again, will face whatever it is that comes my way. and when i am that big enough....things and persons who passed through me, and dont held me. will then be... "never known". and when things gets rough at work, at home, with family, friends, enemies and other people, dont bother. just fly away :)

when you fly away, you will realize many things. you'll see how much you did missed when you were blinded by self centeredness. you will see the dancing wind, the beautiful sunrise (that once making me sad) the singing rain, the flying bird, the peoples chattering, the children playing, the oldies having their cups of coffee in the cafe, teenager who keeps on texting and making loud noises to catch your attention. people in their 20's who prolly trying to catch up to shopping, female on dresses and clothes, males on trendy gadget and games, people in their 30's who's walking briskly so to get in the meeting, or in business matter. you will then see different persona by looking how they dressed up. you could identify the gangster to emo. the girly to boyish, the conservative to sexy oh sex me (hahahahah). before? i was afraid to look at those. afraid because, i didnt want to see how lovely others were. because i didnt want to realized that there are plenty of things especially of persons who is definitely lovelier than me. so ashamed to admit but yeah. i guess i was afraid of that. but now i could proudly say that i am not anymore :). in fact i enjoyed looking at those beautiful things and people. i now realized that i shouldn't be afraid of anything, since they are there to keep me smiling, to keep me growing, and to keep me learning and developing my attitude that would fore say whats there for me in the coming day. for almost 2 months of struggling for the answers. the time that i felt tired, was also the time that it all came to me. maybe not all but, every brand new day, comes a brand new answer that comes with a new hope. that leads to acceptance. and now im beginning to be closer to God. i'm trying to make it up all to him. i was sorry that once in my life..i abandoned him and now he's the one who was there beside me through out the grieving and painful times. so now that he's bringing back my happy life, i promised myself and to him above that i will never forget him. every single day that i live and survived i lift it up to him, before the day ends. i never skip a day and i am so happy for myself. one more good thing is...i reconnected myself again with my friends. and most especially with my family! and i just went in a retreat you know hehe! and i will join a netforgod org which will be held by the member of the community which was also present on that spiritual retreat. thanks to my friend Joyce Dumlao who invited me. and thanks to sir mao who invited joyce haha, and asked me "are you married?"'lol i was really curious why did sir asked me that. until i realized that the retreat was exclusively for single people only. and i laughed at myself so hard that for the first time in my life....i felt relieved that i am SINGLE. :) and for that 2 months, fishes were already coming up at my boat wanted to be catch, but i have no plans now to get in them. i will be focusing myself to my plans and my dreams for myself, and then for my family. i wont rush things now!

bookworm <3!!

and so i am inlove with book! thats my very thing now. wheherever i am, i have them with me, i downloaded some and buy some so not to be so spendy for books. but its okay though, its not a waste of money in the first place right? and i learned a lot from books that i read and it expound my imaginations and ideas, and also my dreams!

so here are some that youll find in my bag ang pocket:

this book from cecelia ahern is a very magically love story :)

you would definite love this if you're inlove, or if you want to be inlove or if you are full of love hehe!

so over you by gwen hayes. its a story of a teenage love affair. i couldnt tell much of the story of this one since i only started to read it tonight. but one thing i can tell is that, if you want to get over all "over" to someone, then this book is a must try :)

do you worry too much?are there times or day that you feel like you dont wanna go anymore? then this book is for you. it fits every personal struggles in life. dont get this book wrong. its does not talk about love or any less of it. but you could apply if you want to!