Tuesday.Tessa

My kids are growing up so fast. Specially Tessa. I had this feeling of fear just very recently about how fast she is becoming a young lady. Her likes and dislikes, what she plays, what music she prefers, what movies and shows she wants to watch. She is even asking about the concept of courting, crush, love, boyfriend and girlfriend, marriage, family, being parents. She mostly ask us about how it is to be a parent. She is maturing in a warp speed. And she could definitely compare now what she sees in the shows to the reality of life.

She know that our house is small and other houses of people are big. She knows we are not rich, but she's okay with it because as she said She has everything that she love and need. She knows that we earn for a living 5 days a week for a very long hours sitting in front of the computer. She knows that she needs to help take care of her sibling while mommy and daddy works. She knows she needs to make it easy for mommy and daddy if she is obedient. She knows, she tells. Tessa is a very conversant kid. Even her teacher when she was in nursey says Tessa was a little more talkative and sometimes teacher was distracted because she kept talking about things she has and her family. Sometimes too private that her teacher needed to cut her off the conversation with other kids. 

I believe that Tessa's ability to converse what she has in mind definitely reflects how crazy her imagination is. I could just imagine all the neurons in her head. One thing I wouldn't do is to discourage her to think the way she think. She just need guidance and someone to correct wrong thoughts she may have. She is a little thinker. She is very curious of life itself. I would love to fill it in beautiful things and yet I also want it to be true and real.

Tessa is Tessa. She may not be the best in the class, but I know she is one of the best. She may not be the most cheerful kid, but I know she is one of the cheerful ones. She may not be the most friendly, but I know she love her friends. I have a very loving, very sweet, kind daughter. I lover her so.

More about her soon...

Monday of February 2021

Woke up this today at around 5 in the morning and I couldn't go back to sleep. I don't know what keeps me awake very early lately than usual. Maybe work? I usually wake up at around 6:30am-7:am but definitely, something changed in the course of maybe just a month that also changed my sleeping hour pattern. The usual one. And all I could think of was the project has already started that is taking so much of my mind nowadays. Add to that is my daughter's morning online class and a lot of time to accommodate her homework.

This has been my dream all along, to be with my family every step of the way. To witness what they do every single seconds of their lives, to be able to cook and eat with them breakfasts, lunches and dinners. I have dreamt of serving them by preparing them meals, cleaning up their mess, helping them cope up with their personal shortcomings. I wished and prayed so hard to God to let me have a work that could be done at home, and he did answer that, maybe not in the most desirable way but he gave this shot to me after all. 

But I think, along the way, I am blowing it all up. What I thought would make my life easier, what would make it better, happier and less stressful is to have it done my way. God gave me the taste of having it all the way I would have wanted it and now I'm here, still questioning why it seems to be so hard coping up in the days even if it takes place the way you have prayed it to be?

Today is Monday,  it is very early in the morning. It is still a quiet time, I don't have to rush to prepare heading to office. I don't have to get weary of the traffic jam, of long line in the terminal, I could sip my coffee in no rush, I could have my me time even though I was sleep deprived. I am sleepless today, but I have me time, I have slow time, I have peaceful time. I should be so happy and giddy and grateful. But I am not, I guess it has to do with my resentment with my job that has been there all along. It wasn't anymore the life itself. It is not about my boss, it is not because that I am not so good at it. It is not about not wanting every inch of these blessings that I have in front of me. It is about me not wanting where I am right now in my job. I want to breathe new opportunities, new colleagues. Or so I thought. 

Yeah, I thought I just didn't like my job, like I thought all the work from home stuff is not what I really wanted after all, like me not wanting to wake up very early in the morning to tend to my daughter's online class errands. Like me not wanting to stay longer hours taking care for my toddler. Like me not wanting my husband touch me or talk to me and gets very angry when he don't show interest in me anymore.

Yeah, I have what I have prayed for, but I am all the same mindset. I am all the same emotions. I am all the same ungrateful little rot! So maybe it just really have to be me admitting that what I really want is this:

1. That I could just choose between a career and being a housewife 

2. For my husband to level up at his career ladder and compensate even higher so that I could do the number one with bravery and without pang of guilt and worry and fear of the future

3. To be able to freely choose of what we really wanted for our lives as family

It may sound simple, but it isn't. I am tied with all these responsibilities with which I have in no way will be able to get out, not just yet. 

Responsibilities out of love. Obligations out of love. Sacrifices out of love. Commitment out of love. Not having the life that you wanted out of love.

Out of love we do things. Out of love we accept and embrace brokenness. Out of love we stay even if its hard and ugly at times. Out of love we are surviving, striving, thriving. Out of love we love. We care. Out of love we cry, then out of love we wipe away those tears and still stand up and continue doing all over again out of love.

We love, that is why we don't have everything our way. We love that is why turmoil in life has been bearable though it pains us a lot. We love that is why we are coping up. We love that is why we choose to live this life, because our real joy, our real happiness, is to see our family, our loved ones happy. To see them sleeping peacefully and waking up cheerfully. Our happiness does not lie with the things we do and not with the things we want, it lies with people we love. 

We conquer all because of love. Because love conquers all. I know redundant, but that is life, we may be living it up side down, high and low, side by side, but we fall the same way. We fall in love.

And my family is worth falling million of times, I guess. So maybe. For now, I would still, keep falling.

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Picture above took place last Christmas. I noticed, we don't take as much photos as before. Nothing bad, just another change. Noticed how I look awful, unprepared and chubby in most of my pictures lately, not bad I guess, just another change. Another change here and there. And then I wake up one day, feeling a different person altogether. What a word FAMILY could change a person :)

ACCEPTANCE STAGE

I think I am at  "acceptance stage" right now. I woke up last Sunday feeling refreshed and very accepting of the morning haggle. I still have my bouts of habitual attitude like getting frustrated in the morning for the fast paced routine. Still shouting and scolding here and there when things and people are getting in my way. And yet, my heart felt rested for two days. I still experience lazy mornings. Still not committed to what I do for a living. Still not getting the hang of it but I have already accepted that life is just the way it has to be for me. I'm pretty sure that something last year had triggered my depression. I became disappointed, hopeless, ungrateful, and I felt like, I'm a failure. I became insecured of few people I look up  to.

This is why I am writing this right now. Because I feel grateful today. Not totally happy and joyful but at least, I feel hopes is up in the air! I don't want to spoil the feeling, I just want to savor the peace of mind and rested heart for now. I think,  I have lost something intangible that triggered my depression. From anger, to blame, to bargaining, to depression, and now, I think I am in the last stage of loss, the acceptance. It's a very unusual but very familiar feeling that just happened to me twice so I know how unique it is. I wouldn't miss the signs! Maybe this will be the right time to put myself together. Create new dreams. Re-write my goals. Re-do my plans. And look forward to the blessings of tomorrow.

I cannot thank God enough for not leaving my side even though I almost gave up my faith because for me, I need to see and feel his help tangibly before I know he is helping me. This is one of the worse part of my attitude, where it is so hard for me to trust something or someone to make me feel better and to make me feel secured, it is so hard to convince me.

I am not sure though if sharing the possible reasons of my triggered depression will be a good idea, but in general, it goes like this I guess.

I was overwhelmed by the fact that  I got pregnant last year. We moved out to our new apartment and there were so many chaotic errands that have happened. I was so happy for my daughter's rank 1 in school, and I announced it to my loved ones but one of them was a bit insensitive to burst my bubble by sending me a news about someone just so I would be aware of this person's current state of life. I mean, of all the time to bring it up as a topic why choose the moment  I was celebrating my daughter's achievement? I was hurt, offended and insulted and this person didn't know that. I just couldn't help myself to feel, that that person broke the news on purpose. Purpose of really bursting my happy bubbles. I felt that some people, even your loved ones, is not genuinely happy for your little success. Two news has surprised me last December, and the fact that this has been linked to me and my husband was just too much for me to handle . My husband wasn't even aware I was going through a lot of trouble because of the news. I wasn't resenting the news, I just felt that my life story is so different and their lives stories were so alike and I also would have wanted same thing for me. But I refused to admit it, and it was just there, aching in my heart, filling all the space in my mind, and I couldn't get out, hence, the laziness, the depression, the hopelessness I went through.

Today, is actually a brand new day. And I think, and feel, and I am hoping and praying that this is the time to start a new! In life, there will always be a chance to move on, an opportunity to grab, a day to begin all over again. and for me this is the day :)

Who's with you in the Morning?

This thought has been my wondering question since I was in College. My teenage years had been my loneliest years as I've always struggled to believe that everybody in the world is with me beginning the morning dawn.

It all began when I started internship for hospitals and we were assigned to a morning shift, usually 6: am to 2: pm. I had to wake up at 3:30 am, and mostly, I would wake up alone. Nobody was there for me because my family were still sleeping. No one dare to wake up to keep me company. To prepare breakfast for me. To make sure I headed off safe. I'd been alone since then. I tried to convince myself that I was not alone in this struggle. That many were also awake and alone like me. But, whenever I would look at the neighbors with lights  already turned on, the elders, the parents were awake for their kids. And I hate to admit, I envy them. How I wish my mom would have exerted more effort when I was younger. I remember her waking up in the morning when I was a preschooler to elementary years. But when I was in high-school, I've already felt the changes in my mother. There was no consistency in accompanying us in the morning. This gave me the feeling of lonely morning ride.

When I got married, at first everything was what I have been dreaming of. My husband and I, would always wake up the same time. Our morning routine was fun. I have someone who prepare breakfast with and for me. I have someone to talk to before leaving the house. And most importantly, I have someone who heads off the house. At last! I am not alone! Was not alone..

Came having our first born child. A lot has changed. But the first and 2nd year was not about being alone. We lived with my husband's parents and her mom accompanied me every step of the way. Until one day, we needed to move out and had our own place. Since then, life for me slowly got back to what it used to be. I am back to where I was younger.. I was mostly, alone in the morning.

My husband work shift was at midnight, mine is a morning shift. I have to wake up alone in the morning to start with the day. I have to prepare for work all alone. After myself, that's the only time I have to wake up my husband and daughter. My first thought though was, since they would still be part of my day to day routine, I wouldn't have to feel alone or lonely. But I was wrong. I feel lonely. I think, I am lonelier than when I was younger. Every morning, after me being alone for myself preparation, morning haggle with husband and daughter who also started going to school is a daily chaos. I have time to do the daily routine for them, but not with them. No morning deep talks anymore. No sweet breakfast anymore. Everyday is always fast. Everyday is a struggle. Everyday is a stress and a lot of shouts and frustrations. I have my quiet nights though, and usually alone. I have my daughter with me, we play, we talk, we do things together, but I just feel emptier as the nights passed.

Since then, my body feels fatigued, sluggish and drained. I feel like, I don't have the appetite for life. For what's in store for me in the future. I struggle to move. I feel the most lazy person and it's been like this for 2 years now.

My morning is lonely. I feel alone. I feel empty. Even with the physical presence of my family, everything is a fog. I always asks myself if other people is also struggling like this. If they are anxious to wake up in the morning alone. Because I am.

Pregnancy Blues Part 2

I am on my 3rd month of pregnancy now. I don't feel better, but it isn't as bad as it was from last 2 months of pregnancy. This is the first Christmas and New Year Holidays that I wanted to end quickly so I can reach the 4th month already. I am hoping I am not one of those who have a hard time through out the 9th month of pregnancy.

I still have my pregnancy blues, but it is manageable now, I guess. Less vomiting have done a lot in my mood. I am trying to act normal when people are around but I still have my introvert side more dominant on this phase of pregnancy. I am glad that there were less invites for Christmas parties and reunions as I really can't force myself to socialize so much.

I am at work now. I just forced myself since I don't have leave credits anymore, knowing that holiday hang over won't make the office busy and toxic. But I am so bored. I feel like time wasted here would have been a time gained spending with loved ones. Yet, who can complain? This is ADULTING! Responsibilities, commitments, accountability and integrity, traits which we promised our employer so we could be employed. These are also the traits we want our children to grow up with. And so I need to be a role model. I need to show how it is done. I cannot preach what I cannot practice.

So what else can I say? Oh, yes! We will be celebrating the New year holidays with my relatives at mom side in Laguna. I forced myself to believe that a new ambiance and reuniting with few,closed relatives would make me feel better. And at the very least, I don't have to do the grocery shopping and the cooking. Just a financial contribution will do! Road trips were also doing wonders with my pregnancy blues so it would be a nice short getaway for me and for my family.

I am also missing already the old me. The girl who's excited for holidays, the girl who's open to tireless shopping and Christmas preparation and sleepless nights for chitchat and movie marathon without feeling so exhausted and sick right after. I miss the girl who loves waking up in the morning alone because she wants to enjoy her cup of coffee without distractions. I miss the girl who's always have food cravings and can eat anything at anytime of the day without feeling sick afterwards. I just miss how it was when  my body is at its normal state.  The girl who is always happy. I know this pregnancy blues will soon end. I just can't wait for that day!

I've been complaining for 3 months now, and to be honest, I still can't enjoy my pregnancy journey. Physical pain and discomfort can really take a toll on my emotions and mental state. All I pray now is for God to give me strength, give me more endurance, and to see the positive side in this situation. I pray for more patience and understanding of the pain I feel everyday since I found out I am pregnant. I pray too that the people around me, who wants the best for me and the people who are trying to help will have more patience and understanding too of my situation. Please forgive me Lord for my impatient behavior, forgive me for the bad things I have said when I feel discomfort. Please forgive me for my hopelessness. I know this things will pass. And at the end of all these challenges, I would witness a blessings that is on the way. Truly you are a God of greater deal! You want what's best for us but you also want us to learn by experiencing all the process. Thank you for a glimpse of hope and positivism today. More to come please!

Pregnancy BLues

My life has its up side down, I don't know where to start whenever I wanted to talk about life. But I know, I just got to do it to have a quiet and peaceful mind. I'm going wild and crazy, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. It is so hard to define what I feel in one word, but I will try. I'm going to use the word "ambivalent" which is a medical term for emotional hype of a pregnant woman. I feel contented, I am looking forward to what is in store for me next year, I am excited for the 2nd baby on the way, but, but, I am worried, anxious, scared. Even so, I am exhausted, restless, tired. So many responsibilities, so many errands that needs to be done. There is so much in my plate and I don' t know what to do first. I am suffocated by my mind running wild 24/7.

As I type this post, I feel all the physical discomfort of my pregnancy. Nausea, vomiting, dizziness, heartburn/acid reflux, back-pain. These physical discomfort have been leading me to depression sometimes. Feeling all the discomforts while doing all the house hold chores, and working in the office is one hell of a ride. And when people say "its okay", its a normal phase of pregnancy", you will get through it soon" I just really want to punch them in the face. Like yeah, let's see if its okay, and if its normal and if you can patiently wait while painfully experiencing all these and you cannot even exempt yourself from your responsibilities as a wife, a mother and a worker.

I become very anti social. People around me just irritates me so much! All I want is my husband and my daughter.

I need more strength and patience to endure all these discomforts. I hope I can survive another month with all these symptoms. And I really do hope it will be done by 2nd trimester because I cannot take it anymore :(

I Got Works To Do Just Yet

"So even to old age and gray hairs, O God, do not forsake me, until I proclaim your might to another generation, your power to all those to come." -PSALM 71:18

What are the things that I want to do and accomplish before my life will be taken away...
1. Teach children ages 3-6 years old
2. Be a fulltime mom and wife
3. Be tessa's hands on teacher in her studies
4. Have our own home
5. Get a job in my desired salary, and hopefully near our home lest the number 2 won't work for me
6. See my baby girl and maybe future babies graduate and start their own family and career lives
7. Be a good supporter of my husband's dreams for his career
8. Be a fulltime digital writer about life as a woman
9. Be an advocate of importance of education to children
10. Be a God's agent of wisdom

I don't know if these aligns God's purpose for me to fullfill. I don't know if all these are the things that God designed me to be. I am the kind of person who get upset and dissapointed when it doesn't go my way. I am very well sure God knows what I'm talking about. But knowing the God of holiness, of power, of authority, a God who saves, a God who gives grace, I know that whatever his will in my life, whether it makes me happy or it will be a cause of discomfort, I will trust the Lord to fullfill his purpose in my life because thats the only time I can say to myself, Lord, it is done. Your purpose, I fullfilled. I am ready to receive the eternal life with you. And only in that moment I will peacefully accept..my time has finished.

Reflections available from Thrive book by Darlene Sala et'al

The song Find us Faithful of Jon Mohr encourages us to be faithful for the sake of those who will follow after us.

Conversation with God from Thrive book by Darlene Sala et'al

What do you want me to do today Lord, to share Your greatness with someoje who is hurting? I'm listening...

Rest and Peace (R.A.P)

I made clear that its a R.A.P and not I in the middle

So as not to confuse the title.

I called off for work since yesterday because of certain reasons,  yep not just 1,2 but more. I woke up feeling so low, and my body aches. In the afternoon, around 1 pm, after I assisted my little tot in her bath, a sound of something (ugong) disrupted my ears, and I thought it was coming from the outside, I thought a big truck with a machinery or whatsoever that makes an ugong sound parked nearby. But upon checking, there were no trucks nor anything that was making a weird noise until I realized, it was coming from inside my ear. I ignored it and just continued doing errands. But after I took a shower, I felt that my head was starting to feel heavy, I thought my migraine would attack so I laid down on bed and slept beside my little tot. Upon waking up after an hour nap, the ugong becomes stronger, my left ear,head and face feels heavier and i felt the pain in my skull and I knew it, my mgraine attacked, and worst, I think I just had my first bout of vertigo. I couldn't stand, walk and sit up for long period. I was having a hard time keeping my balance, it felt, I would fall or faint anytime so I just laid down on bed, praying and wishing it would go away. Almost 2 hours of laying down and my symptoms gets stronger and I think I was starting to experience nervous breakdown because I was short of breath and my extremities were shaking. I texted my husband already and asked for assistance right away. He sent off his parents to check on me and my daughter.  I took my pain reliever meds and my mom in law massages my head down to my back and shoulder for almost an hour. Soon, the symptoms were starting to subside and my nervousness subsided as well. I didnt know what the heck happened to me. It was terrifying.

So I called off for work again today,though I am feeling better now, I don't want to compromise my situation as the ugong sound in my ears and difficulty keeping my balance are still present. Still laying down after I had my breakfast because just a bit of movement feels like Im gunna fall off the ground.

Being bed ridden gives me so much time to think, replay life, and analyse my life in general and in its particular. Since I wanted to take advantage of this time to do what I have been loving to do ever since, I browsed in my mini book shelf and tried to look for inspirational readings. But while trying to read it, I felt that God was trying to tell me to read something else, so I put down my book look at my bible app where there are also shared topics you can read depending on your daily mood,preference and need. I came across the topics about work, rest and peace..so it explains my blog post title.

Some of the passages and messages that took my attention are here, please scroll down:

You are at war with yourself. "Well I am."

You want something but you can't get it. "I guess we all have some guilty pleasures and desires."

Don't you know that to be friend with the world is to hate God? "Now that makes it more frigthening isn't it?"

Make your hearts pure, you who can't make up your minds. "Well I guess I really am not making up my mind in so many things. I don't think I'm alone with this dilemma of decision making."

God see what is in my heart. "So he knows I am happy but not feeling fullfilled. That I am content but not fully grasping what's in my heart.

Help me live in the way that is always right. "But you know, I'm so stubborn because when I hear him, I don't listen, when he seek for me, I hide when he wants talk to me, I blocked him with wordly distractions. You see? I am too tired to even grow relationship with him."

Work-life balance, one always prevails over another. "Why couldn't I agree more?"

In Jesus time there was no such thing as balance, only rythyms of work, rest and celebration. All centered in loving God and others. "So I wonder why people ages ago leaves hundreds of years old! I wish I have lived my life with my family on Jesus time!"

"Social pressure is also a blame here I suppose."

Rest and Repentance. "Oh! That's all I need this time!

God's approval of us is enough, how I wish this was easy and true to me." I struggle so much in pleasing everybody, from my parents, siblings, husband, daughter,friends, to bosses and colleagues.

If you are waiting for my inspirational parting words, well dear; I'm very sorry, I don't have that for this post right now. You see, I am struggling with my health, mental,emotional and spiritual wellness. I don't know what to do yet, or how to minimize what causes my frustrations and stresses. I am struggling to keep up with the demand of work from my professional as well as personal life. From always praying, devoting and keeping a daily journal of my life to just let the day unfold and take a rest when all demands are finished. Yet, I don't feel fullfilled. I feel stuck. I feel stagnant. I don't see progress. I know I'm still blessed among the rest, but being blessed is far different from being grateful. For anyone who will be able to read this because I guess I lose my readers many years ago already. Maybe you're a God sent to be a catalyst, or more likely my guardian angel to help me surpass this dilemma. I will keep on fighting, because you know, I'm a wife and a mother, their strength and motivation in life also comes from what they see in me. So imagine how hard I am keeping all these emotions to myself. Oh yes, you can call me "a great pretender". Trying to keep everything put together, but I myself is so close to collapsing. But don't worry, I am far from suicidal intentions..maybe just merely sad and tired in the cycle of life and I just really need to breathe out..but you know what's stopping me? BILLS!!! 

So get off that bed and keep grinding! As for me, I will savor this moment before I go back zombie again to my usual, daily grind. Yeah we are zombies trying to make life by working hard that will soon kill us just to pay bills. My goodness this post sounds like I am some kind of a cult. 😄

Will make it up to you guys. I guess my estrogen level is at its cray cray level right now. Lets blame the hormones shall we? 

I wish and pray that we all find the way to fullfillness by seeking God first in all that we do. And as for me, I will walk the talk.. .please let us help each other up!

7 Reasons I Beat Monday Blues

I've been meaning to change this blog into something more motherly, such as, letters to my daughter, motherhood journey, wife, mom, career life, and etc. But never had anything done and had never been so consistent!

This time, I just want to go back in random blogging and have it posted randomly, without any schedules and maybe from there, a brand new idea will strike and it may be a start of something that is really meant for sharing!

I hope so! So for now, I will start with a thought in mind this morning.

As very usual for me, I woke up today at 5 in the morning and spent 30 minutes wide awake staring at a ceiling thinking, how dreadful Mondays are to me. I wish I could skip this day altogether, or how I wish Mondays are exempted from Morning grind and let corporate workers get by the office as flexible as they could get because it is.. . Monday! The most dreaded day to majority of us Filipino. As for a working mom like me, I hate Mondays because, I have this so called "separation anxiety" from my daughter which I thought would be gone by now as she turned 3 years old! But no, the  anxiety is still lingering nowadays and I'm really having a hard time fighting it specially during Monday.

That's why I did a "self talked" today on why I'm still doing this "working mom" thingy.

So here it goes, reasons I persist in my working career:

1. First is I do this for my little girl. Because I want to give her everything, not just enough. But all that I could give without compromising our finances.

2. I want to be a good example of persistence, perseverance, and hard work especially now that she will be enrolled to school this year. I want her to see how her mom and dad do it. We want her to have same things we could empathized with together. I don't want her to feel alone on her journey for a five long days of school, us at work. At least we could share this through evening conversation while having dinner! I want Tessa to see in me that there's more to life if she strives for it, that getting married, having children shouldn't be a hindrance from achieving so much! That she can be whatever she wants to become and that there is no one or nothing to stop her.

3. I want to hone her personality by doing rather than telling what and how to do it.

4. I want to help my husband build our dreams and plans together.

5. I want to help my parents (same with my husband's parents) when they grow old and decides to retire. Although I know they have their pensions and all. You can tell, I am really a "worrier" kind of person. I worry almost about everything! haha!

6. I want financial security and stability.

7. I want career and financial growth because I have bigger plans for my family's future!

I really wanted to list at least ten, but these were the only things I have thought so far before I left the house at 6 30 am!

I encourage women out there to also list down reasons on why you keep on doing what you do. We have to find purpose in whatever we do especially if it consume so much of our time and energy. Because if we do things without a purpose, our hardships wouldn't be worth it.

I hope your are having a good Monday relationship! :D

Boredom Strikes!

1. Is boredom can be linked to depression and demotivated individual?
2. Is boredom can be linked to euphoria and well motivated individual?

May be number one is "yes" for some, but "no" for others, and vice versa.
Well for me, it depends on the foundation of one self, in terms of emotional, psychological, and spiritual strengths of a person.
If a one person is use to feeling really low, upset, and gloomy most of the time, to the point that it becomes a habit to him, there is a big possibility that he would fall into number one kind of boredom.
If on the other hand a person is feeling grateful, praying, reflecting, happy, then he would probably fall into number two kind of boredom.

As for me. I think I am a manic one haha! Kidding aside, many years ago, I was in a number one kind of boredom. I perceived boredom as a threat to my inner peace. I linked boredom as a symptom of my depression, or a symptom that I think, my instinct was telling me that some thing wasn't right. It was more evident when I was in a relationship that made me very insecure. When boredom strikes, I would automatically think that my ex boyfriend would be doing something that he must not do when in a relationship. So what I would do was to go all the way from where I am at the moment it strikes to where he was. Imagined what a hassle that could be for me? Or there were times when I would get bored and then I would think of so many sad and bad things so that I would cry. Imagine how worst I was coping up with boredom. And then there was this transition year in my life, when I was already single, a lot have changed and I guess, one day I just woke up and realized, I am a different person already. I enjoy so much moments when I am bored because that gives me lots of opportunities to read, to explore my blog (by the way, I customized the design of this blog hehe), I watched lots of movies and series of shows. And then there were moments that I go shopping, or even worst stays home and just do my own tutorial make up in front of a mirror and take a lot of selfie afterwards. See? I was really a different person after a break up haha! It continued up to my marriage, but until I gave birth to Tessa, my lovely daughter. I go back to becoming a number one kind of boredom, because Tessa's health have been compromised for two years! And that made me really depressed, sad, a worry wart, and a lot more definition of negative emotions. When I'm alone, I would automatically feel worried, and would write in my diary how insecure I was, how I hate life and a lot more more pitiful kind of thought provoking sadness. And then now, Tessa will turn three years old and her health is more stable now,and all the three of us (my husband, me, and tessa) already have our health cards that makes security and peace of mind in terms of our health and wellness. But these past weeks, I am both. There are times I am number one kind of boredom because I worry about my career ladder, or of our finances and of our expenses. Then one day, I would be the number two kind of boredom, who would be so sipag to do house chores because I am happy, or I would read a lot, play, sing and dance a lot with my daughter, serve and be so kind to my husband (haha) and calls for a food delivery a lot when I am so happy with my boredom (my euhporic boredom is makingme fat) :D

If you would ask me, why it was like that. Why there are kinds people, like me to be precised, who for a split seconds, can change attitude depends on a certain situation. It seems that I have no consistent attitude, where I could say I am authentic because I cope up the same way with different situations.

Others may have it easy and could just use boredom without so many hassle. Yet there are people like me again, who it takes a lot of energy and effort to cope up with such thing (called boredom). But if I would be asked for my opinion. I guess, its just a part of life and it does not mean anything deeper, unless we stay in a number one kind of boredom for consistently many years, up to now. It is not bad to ask for help, like counselling or join a group that have the same issues being faced. Support system such as closed trusted friend, closed trusted family member, husband who understands and is patient, a loving, sweet child would really help a lot to cope up. The number two kind of boredom for me, needs less of help or assistance because they see opportunities in moments of boredom. So let them be bored hehe! For number one kind of boredom, my advise maybe is, let's avoid criticism, and misjudging them as a self pity, anti social ones. They need support the most. They may not tell it directly to their loved ones, but maybe they just don't trust themselves so much to think that people might not be very understanding of their situation. It's not that they mistrust people around them, its just that, they don't trust themselves enough to think that somebody out there could help them. They are less confident, so they really need someone to boost them emotionally, in a positive way. We can of course pray for these people that we know are experiencing such situations. Lend a helping hand, kamustahin from time to time so that they will gain confidence in themselves that someone out there are very willing to listen, to help, and to be there in their dark moments. Let's be more compassionate in dealing with these people, because they need it the most.

Are you willing to be a person who can transform lives? Who can inspire and enable people to adopt to thing whether it's good or bad? Are you will to impact these people's (the number one kind of boredom) lives?

Then now is the best time to be that person to someone. As in now :)

You must be compassionate, just as your father is compassionate. Luke 6:36

If we say we are his, we must follow the example of Christ. 1 John 2: 6

Move myself

Photo grabbed from Google

Here I am, sitting on a chair, in an L shape table with the sound of my laptop's keyboard. Yes, I am typing in my blog! What a great feeling it is to regain energy in blogging. I never have been so true to my words of promises to relive my blog. I actually have listed down so much lists to blog. But nothing have been in good use and it has never been posted.

For whatever reason, I get to always procrastinate. Usually, I give more importance to sleep, slouching on a couch or a bed while browsing Facebook, IG and reading blogs as a source of inspiration. I also have stopped devoting time to read a Bible and write in my diary about what I learned from the Bible verses. I also seldom pray now. Well I do the informal praying in my mind, and usually when I need it so much, and also I just play Christian songs so I will get by a day. It's like its really good to do nothing for longer period of time, but that is, if you are using that nothingness to reflect on life. But if you are using it with unimportant things, then I guess you are just fooling yourself out and you really is not maximizing the time and resources that God has bestowed you with.

So as I am being influenced by the Bible application that I am currently using now, I decided that I have to move around more than what I have used to do. I have to clean the house more than I slouch on a bed or a couch. I have to read bible and I have to write in my diary more than I read blogs and listen to christian songs. I have to pray intentionally more than informally, like praying while I'm preparing for work, or eating breakfast or in a meeting. I have to devote a free time to be able to hear God's plan for my day (as well as for my life for that matter). I don't know why am I having a hard time choosing to move myself, though I know it will make much better outcome in my day and in my life in general.

If I am to plan now, maybe, since I have been writing, praying, and promising myself so many times in the past 2 years? It is now time to just plan one major step.. and that is to move myself from where I am now, to where I want to be. :) No promises,but to just act on it. No lists of plan, more on lists of accomplishments. I know I can make it by God's grace and wisdom. He will help me surpass my issues regarding procrastination. He will support my choice of moving myself. He will guide my journey. Because God is in action when he know you are doing things that will not just help you, but will also help the people around you, because God knows when you are in your proper ambition :)

I will keep on trying!. I will keep on fighting! Because God is good all the time. He is compassionate and he's will will always be done. I just have to make myself believe more than I used to believe before.

I pray today, that God will also touch your heart, as he touches mine in a deepest way possible in the past weeks. I pray that we will move ourselves to a greater good, to be able to be an inspiration, and a role model among people in the world. I pray that all of us Christians will be able to have the eagerness and perseverance to influence the lives of many so that this world will be a better place. :)

I thank you Oh, Lord Jesus Christ because you are good, you are merciful, you have compassion even to the most undeserving like me. You love us even in our dark and doubtful moments. I ask for your forgiveness in times I get angry of you. In times I feel like you are not in my side. In times when I feel that you are making things so hard for me, when in reality, I am making things hard for myself.

You are a God of power, and of authority. But you stayed merciful despite the humanities sinful desired and doing. Despite humanities taking for granted this earthly world you bestowed upon us. I now choose to be among people who contribute to goodness, and to contribute to Godly deeds to glorify and praise you.

Thank you Lord God for the brand new provision you have given me today. I will use it willingly as I change my life, lest I may impact change in the world. :)

Have a changing life for the greater good everyone!

Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature; old things have passed away; behold, all things are become new. 2 Corinthians 5: 17 KJV

I am crusified with Christ: nevertheless I live: yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me. Galatians 2: 20 KJV

All the ways of a man are clean in his own eyes; but the Lord weigeth the spirits. Proverbs 16: 2

Stand, don’t fight.

These seemingly simple words resonated with me after I read it. These words are exactly what I must practice towards my husband as we always look at things differently. We have different habits, different way to think and to plan. And usually when we try to have an open conversation, it would end up with a fight, an argument and a misunderstanding.

It makes the house tensed and somehow my mood affects how I treat my daughter. I hate it when I end up fighting with Jp although he wasn’t really into fighting. He just says things differently and he just wanted to be honest on what he truly feels. But some days, I just feel that he’s attacking me with my belief, and with the way I think.

I would usually say, he is not respecting what I have in mind, or what I just said, but it was actually me who was judgmental and couldn’t stand him when he have a different perspective in terms of saving up money, priorities at home and at work. What and when to buy stuff, about family and relative relationships, and so on.

I guess it rooted up on seeing the ordinary jp with his flaws and all. It wasn't visible pre-marriage. It was all love, understanding and acceptance. But when we got married, especially when tessa was born, everything has changed! We discovered a lot that we don’t like in each other.

Annoyances such as, how the bathroom looks like after he takes showers. How he is not putting in a bin his dirty laundry properly, how he isn’t making the bed after he gets up considering he was the last who wakes up. His non- initiative to do household chores when I don’t say or command him to. And then he would feel bad when I nag because he did not do it on time (on time I mean my personal deadline for him). He also annoys me whenever he would make lambing but I don’t like the way he’s making it. And the list goes on.

There’s a lot to hate about my husband considering our 3 years of being married. What can come worse than these? What if we are in our 7, 10, 15 years of marriage? Are there more I do not know about him?

I pray today that God will cleanse my heart from so much annoyance with my husband just because of his negative attributes. And to replace it with love, care, patience and more accepting attitude. I pray that I will count more the good traits which he possesses than the bad ones. I pray too that I won’t get annoyed or irritated when he tries to communicate or share things with me. I pray that  I will see reasons why I love him and reasons to love him even better! I know that I need to pray for us as we are going to be in the journey of marriage forever. And since this is our fate, I want to choose happiness over merely annoyances.

If I love my family, I must love my man equally; our daughter can see how we treat each other.

So my learning today is to stand for what I believe, but do not fight for it. Instead, pray to God that we find understanding in the midst of differences.

Relive you my blog

So I've been thinking on bringing back to life this so called online write ups of mine. I know I've been promising myself  to blog again and to never put this in hibernation. But guess what?! I just broke a promise just like when I promised to keep a daily journal and devotional writing! I don't know when did I stop, but surely, when it stopped, my life started to have uncertainties again. I began waking up, going to work, doing errands on weekend, going to church with a blind heart. For first two months of 2017, I could feel how my life has changed by just writing my simple life's stories and by praying every morning to the Lord. Then when it all stopped.. darkness en-galloped me. I was attracted to negative vibes such as, discouragement, quitting, depression, and unsure of what my worth really was.

I was almost there, following the path to discover my purpose, and then I stopped just like that. Why did I stop? I guess the perfect term for what happened was, "complacency". And it hits me badly. I was all happy, and bubbly. I almost had a perfect life with my almost perfect, harmonious relationship with family. We almost had it all. And then I forgot to tell it to the most high. I forgot him in the midst of prosperity and blessedness in my career and family.

When I already had what is seemed to be what I wanted and needed, I stopped calling on him. I thanked him everyday, but that was all it. I don't talk to him anymore, I became lazy waking up in the morning to devote time to communicate with him. To ready myself with a prayer. I forgot him all the way while he was already giving me my dreams.

Aren't we all like these? We pray and pray and devote time to him because we have dreams and aspiration in life? And when we got what we've been wanting all our lives, we may not forget about him, but we forget devoting our precious time for him just because we are so busy enjoying the blessings he gives us. I am not in the position to lecture about blessings and devotions. But I am confidently testifying about how God moved my life when I started praising his name and glorifying him day by day. I found peace, love and certainty in his arms. I was confident, I was so vibrant. Brave. And when I became lazy, everything were suddenly gone. I lost confidence, I lost braveness, I lost love, I lost my faith, I lost all the positiveness that God blessed me with.

Thanks to blogs of Ms. Rica Peralejo, Patty Laurel, and other celebrities who speaks God's wisdom in their blog posts. 

I can also spread love by reliving this blog. A lot will relate, especially the moms with career, and  even the moms who stays home, and also for the single moms. I won't be biased in my sharing, I promise. It will be all about God and his love. Motherhood and its beauty. Life and its challenges. And maybe about my family's travel, simple whereabouts, and a bit of my kakikayan in make ups and clothes hehe!

I can't promise a everyday post. All I can offer is my weekend where I can allot 1 to 2 hours of my time :) I feel released from a prison of no writing! Had to suffer for years of the noise my mind was making everyday. I mean there's a lot to share. But I always stop myself from sharing it. I guess now I won't have excuses! It's a perfect gateway to freedom!

COMMITMENT #1

Since I cannot commit myself to blog on a daily basis, I basically jot down my random thoughts in my journal and notepad on smartphone. I missed blogging so much but there seem to be a thing that I want to do. I want to change the course of my blog and what I post on it. Basically, I am fond of Christian blog posts now and wanting to re-create a blog that also consist of God’s wisdom, teachings, and promises. I hope I can find time and effort to start doing this this year. I will be a stay home mother starting on September 26 since it would be the start of my 2 months maternity leave. I think there will be a time in between that I can use to freely devote myself into reading my bible, reflect on it, do my devotion and share it on my blog and other social network sites. I am excited, yet nervous and scared since, I am not a well versed kind of person particularly on connecting verses from old and New Testament. I don’t know if I will inspire people, or it will cause discrimination and criticism. Maybe I will need to read and study a lot first in this regard so that I will be able to explain God’s wisdom perfectly without being biased by my own opinions and belief. I want it to be purely about how he proves to change someone’s life in humanity chooses to follow him and submit their lives in him.

I have a major problem though, it always gets the best of me and that’s the reason I could not commit in writing a post regularly. I have this very random mind, that I basically just want to write it out and then go to another topic and then leave, and make another one. I have inconsistencies and it usually hinders me to finish a thing or two in terms of blogging. Not a good habit if I want to excel on this area right? I need more inspiration, and motivation. I need guidelines on how to construct a good and inspiring blog post so that readers will have a fun time reading them. I want a writing that will give reader a constant reminder of my blog to inspire them on their daily living.

I am merely an imperfect human being. I am still finding my way to get closer to God. I am still searching for that inner encouragement of my spiritual being to submit wholly to our almighty. I am not the best worshipper, nor am I the best Christian to disciple and evangelize other people who need it. But I just want to be that kind of person, and I know God wants me to be that kind of person too, I know that having to think this way is his way of pushing me closer in his world of divinity and I know he will be by my side all the way to reach the best of my maturity in Christian life.

So to give you an exact view of people and things that got me pursuing writing inspirational and spiritual post for this blog, please see links below:

RICA PERALEJO BLOG ms. rica peralejo bonifacio. Her life is very inspiring, and at some point, I could relate on how she made her way into knowing Christ, although mine was not as tragic as anyone would have think it is haha

JOSEPH BONIFACIO BLOG joseph bonifacio. ms rica’s husband and a pastor at victory ministry. I’ve been reading his blog recently and amazed on how well educated he is and how he integrates God’s wisdom in everyday hustles and bustles of life!

THE DAILY INSPIRATION-status update on facebook that I am currently following. It’s very motivational especially when you are too exhausted to start a day.

HILLSONG ALBUM- Jp’s parents play it on in full blast every morning! And Jp and I got all the songs downloaded on our personal smartphones J

DAILY DEVOTIONALS APP- an application which have updated stories and lessons with its corresponding bible verses you can ponder up on. Jp and I use it every night before we sleep. We make bed time our schedule for couple’s daily devotions and prayers, and we also have our individual devotions, which is something we don’t really talk about with other people unless necessary hehe.

SUNDAY SERVICE- Jp and I vowed to always attend Sunday service because it’s the only perfect time we can give thanks to God completely along with his whole family, and we also have time to catch up with our young couple’s cell group.

YOUNG COUPLE CELL GROUP- Although we don’t have regular time to meet up outside the church to do more activities and bible studies with the group, I still appreciate how this group have helped me and jp see how normal our encounter of trials and challenges in marriage, and how the same those encounter were to most of them. I’ve also witnessed here how prayers of other people made more powerful to help someone struggling cope up and heal fast spiritually and emotionally. I hope we can find perfect schedules so we can bring back the once in a week catching up with the young couple clan! I will pray for this!

YOUNG ADULT STAFF- I was asked to join a young adult staff along with my husband. I don’t know if I am capable of handling and sharing my ideas to help better the community of young professionals, which was the first cell group I’ve first had. This self-doubt that I experience comes from lack of knowledge with the bible verses, lack of integration in the Christian ministry, lack of necessary courses in which someone must accomplish before they could handle such group, and my personal lack of God’s wisdom and maybe even lack of application of those wisdom in my personal life. But I am praying that God will change my heart and my mind so that I can fill it up with confidence and conviction to make it!

LIFE IS CHANGING

hey yeah guys..it's been how long from the last time i had updated this blog? Well actually, there was a lot to share in my matters of life, but I just couldn't bring myself into it! I am very lazy to blog since I am addicted in manually writing on my personal diary and journal because there, I can freely doodle down everything, even the most private part of my beings that I find it more comforting and relaxing than blogging up! I am sorry for this selfishness though, I know I still have my part of making my readers happy with my updates. Maybe I am starting to experience that so called "taking in" phase of pregnancy, though as of my nurse's knowledge could happen right post delivery hehe! Taking in is when you think more about yourself. I've been in this phase for quite sometime now, and I am happy I am able to reflect on how my life is evolving from youngsters, to becoming a career woman, to becoming a wife, and know becoming a mother. There's so much to consider now. I have to think of three persons now, and that is composed of my husband, my baby, and myself. I need to know each individuals need, but foremost, I have to achieve everything that I need in order to give my 100% care and love that my husband and baby would need from me.

I am on my 6 and a half months  now, which means, I am 2 and half months away from my delivery! I am quite ambivalent! I'm feeling giddy, excited, happy, nervous, scared all at the same time hehe. Scared only because, its my first time to give birth on a baby and I can't imagine how my baby would make her way down in my very narrow womanhood (really, you know what i meant right?haha). I've been reading, and listing down every information I could get and thought useful when the moment of truth comes, so I will be ready with everything. I want to make sure that I would be dashing in the hospital just right when my baby is fully ready to come out, so that my O.B won't have reasons or excuses of long time laboring that will lead to a decision of C-section. And I think since everything on me is physically normal, and I am not a high risk pregnant, I still have my privilege to choose how I want my baby to be delivered right? So I'm choosing the natural way :). I really want to experience this phenomenon of pregnancy, and I know that having my baby delivered through normal spontaneous delivery will complete that magical experience especially of first time moms like me. I don't want to corrupt the most exciting experience a woman could have, just because we are scared or wants the convenience of getting through it easily. That is so not me. I guess we have our personal view on this one, but I found myself braving this once in a lifetime moment (or maybe twice or more for some :) ) in a woman's life :). I need to start it with great perseverance, big faith, bravery and right perspective to cultivate strong personality that I will need in raising my child :)

YEAH-MOM AT WORK

And.. yup! you heard it right, I am still working, and I am so embracing becoming a working mom. I think there's nothing selfish in it if you still want to pursue a career at the same time,managing your relationship with your husband and specially with your child, as long as you give ample time for them. I don't think moms who choose to pursue a career deserve a misjudgment of the community.

We have our unique goal for the family. And mine, is to make sure we all have the freedom to do as we wish as long as its for the betterment of each of us as an individual. I also want to practice early on how to be proactive not only for my family, but also for the society. That way,  I can impart these traits to my child so that she will learn how to influence people in positive ways. I want to influence my child to become industrious, so that she can influence her future generation to become one. I want to surround my life today of meaningful deeds so that, it will be her trail of learning while growing up. I want her to see that there is so much in the world. I will open her to lots of opportunity so that she will have perception of what real life is even at her very young age. That said, I want her to grasp good manners, humility..and having us as parent to show that, needs to become the best role model for her.

I am a mom at work because I want to have deep understanding of hardships. Because I want to make my parents proud. I want to make my daughter proud. And I want my husband to see me as her greatest confidant through out our family's journey. Because I want to support my family and the family of my own. I once dreamed of becoming the breadwinner of our family..and every now and then, I'm still praying for that dream to come true.

Baby, in time you can already read this... I want you to know that I will do everything to take care of you. I will be a hands on mom in-spite me working. We will have our special, and unforgettable moments together with your daddy. But please understand that our pursuing a career is part of us desiring deep within our hearts, that we want to give only the best for you. I will be forever grateful to have you appreciate the decisions we've made from the moment we have learned about your life beginning in my womb. Mommy and daddy loves you so much, and we are not going to ask you to become like us..instead...we pray that you will become the better version of ourselves :)

Cheers to all working mommies!

awesome colleagues  #officemates♥

MY HAUL'S BENEFIT

Last friday, I decided to spoil myself of a few stuff from Watson. Since I went out early from work, and since Jp would be late to come home, and since it was sweltering hot even at 5:30 in the afternoon, I thought of heading to mall first. Other reasons would be, because I wanted to waste some time away from home. And because I am in need of some pampering essentials for my skin and hair caused of too much humidity nowadays.

Photo grab from: ph.makeupandbeauty.com

First purchase was my favorite facial masks from Watson. Because of the summer heat, my skin becomes so flaky and oily. And my usual facial soap and cream routine simply couldn't help. You can have two pieces for only 79 pesos, so cheap you wouldn't second guess purchasing this essentials. And it's worth a buy because it instantly gives your skin a smooth, glow, lighter feeling. It takes only 20 minutes to reach the desired effect. Even Jp (my husband) enjoy using this because it also reduces oil in the skin as well as whitening it with continuous use. A good purchase for a very affordable price isn't it? ;)

Photo grab from: lifestrong.com.ph

Next, Hairfix treatment that costs only 50+ pesos than can be used 3-4 times per pack! not bad at all right? There are two available choices to choose from,one is to get hair smooth and shiny, and the other one is to boost the color treated hair. Since I have a hair dyed last december 2013, I chose the latter. Although it really boost again the color of my hair, it then dries a little bit which is for me, a disadvantage. But you can use hot oil as a remedy to this treatment. And that's why my next purchase is very valuable for me.

Photo grab from: google

I was looking for small sachet of hair treatment so I don't have to purchase a big set that I usually buy. And while my eyes were wandering about every hair treatment at the hair care department of watson, I suddenly saw the small pack of leave on treatment. Palty Tsubaki Camellia Oil hair treatment--that promises a strong, shiny and frizz free hair after every use. You just have to apply an ample amount from one sachet after you towel dry your hair and voila! It would bring shine into your dull hair :) it only costs me 50+ pesos and it has 3 sachets in every pack.

www.localbanya.com

And for my body, I only purchased my all time favorite daily body soap which is the johnson's baby in white. I like it because it's just so mild-- and that's it! Nothing special hehe.

pinksandnotebooks.blogspot.com

I also purchased the newly released Myra E bb cream in Ivory that costs me 99 pesos, cheap but too small compared to the first released one. As for my first application, it gives the desired effect which is to smooth-en and to moisturize your skin, but definitely not to help cover up blemishes. So you must still use your favorite spot corrector, concealer or foundation. But of course if you have a blemish free skin, then you can freely skip all these :).

So..that's all about my pampering mantra. My good and beneficial haul that only costs me an amount of 200+ pesos. Not bad right?? At least I've indulged myself of things that are useful to me and also to my husband. It's like saving one day of my daily allowance at work hehe!

A LETTER TO MY BABY

Hi baby!

Though my O.B gave me a 90% assurance that you are a girl, I still can't get use to it because of fear we might have another misconception of your little patootie down there! But nonetheless, I will love you. I can't wait to feel your first real kick! I can't wait to touch your hands, knees, and feet on top of my belly. Mommy's so ecstatic at the thought of you making free styles inside her womb.

How many times did I whisper that, you are my greatest gift and my greatest miracle? Will you know and will you feel how much mommy loves to give everything for you?

Now I really know what unconditional love means. You made me realize it now. You made me a better person. You made me persevere for the best. You made me appreciate my parents more. You made me responsible, matured, and stable in settling down.

You made my life on earth feels like heaven!

You are my life. My flesh, my blood, and my heart is yours too. We are the mere sample of unity. Physically, emotionally and mentally we are one. And mommy only wants to be the best person she can be, because she believes you will be the kind of person that she is.


Do you know that daddy is also trying to be the best father that he could be for his first little baby? You wanna know why? Then wait for my next letter my little angel. This surely won't be the last.

Lovingly,
Mommy Queenie

LIFE CHANGING PREGNANCY

Things that happens when you're pregnant:

These list that I've made is based on my personal daily encounter on pregnancy. And since I'm a first time expecting mommuh, I think it will help a lot of soon- to- be mother to find someone they can relate with :)so here, let's get started shall we??

First Month
1. I'm still feeling sexy, my tummy still flat and I just felt oh so normal
2. Came a week or two after my first OB visit to confirm my pregnancy, first symptoms of morning sickness took in. "very sensitive to smell of food and food. I only eat what I only crave for because that's how I find satisfaction over a day and to feel lesser morning sickness for a good 24 hours.
3. I feel a bit pain in my pelvic area (when I was not yet aware that I'm pregnant) and thought it's because I would have my monthly period already. And since I'm a massage spa addict, I took advantage of having a very hard whole body massage not knowing it might be risky! huhu
4. I got a slight, faint 2 distinct lines on pregnancy test. I have tried two PT's so as to make sure I'm not having a mistake. And up to now, seeing that two distinct lines... "priceless".


2nd Month
1. Upset stomach almost everyday.
2. GERD.
3. Mild headache that if left untreated, worsened to the point I wish to die. (i was exaggerating with the die part of course. that was just a feeling hehe)
4. Always mad at JP the hubby.
5. Super hot and short tempered.
6. Urge to puke almost every minute of everyday (the most frustrating phase of my preggy symptoms so far).

Going Third Month
1. Not so picky on food anymore, but I'm beginning to be a voracious eater. I could finish 2 plates of rice and overflowing ulam!
2.  Urge to puke almost every minute of everyday (the most frustrating phase of my preggy symptoms so far)

3. Very emotional. I easily cry with almost everything. From crying over Disney movies, not getting enough sleep, getting up so early, work, when my cravings for food was not met, to crying over a mosquito bite! Really EMO-TIO-NAL it is...

4. Small bump begins to show up :)

5. Sleep woes.

6. Muscle pain.

7. Moderate headache.

So far, those mentioned above were my personal symptoms  I had encounter. These really makes me frustrated, but I'm still glad that I could still work full time for 5 days and could  manage my frustration over morning sickness. I can't put into words what I really feel towards my pregnancy. It just gives me so much reason to teach myself on how to become a grown person.

There are few unusual things that I was not doing during my pre-pregnancy life. I never thought I would have love for cooking. I never thought I would take this one seriously haha. I had been so lazy to give it a try before because I thought, it was not my forte. It's something that I don't have to do because I was schooling, and now because I am working. My mind set becomes like this.. I study, I work, I pursue career, I provide..and kitchen is where I am not the queen! But now that mind set is slowly changing. I think, it takes getting pregnant to realized such things, that marriage is embracing all the possible and also the impossible things in our lives. Things that are important so that you will become a better person before your baby is born. Self-control as well is one of the thing I want to master. Loosen up a bit to give way on my husband's lead role of our family (i'm a bit superior when it comes to making a decision for us and its something I want to improve myself so as not to corrupt that opportunity for my husband). Anger management so that we can avoid unnecessary marital woes/fight and arguments in front of our child. Giving importance to privacy, so our child will know how to respect personal concerns and issues of the family. Openness, so that our child will have healthy support system and full security coming from his/her parents. Be adventurous, to teach our child that there is so much out there in store for him/her through out his/her journey. Humility, so that he/she will know when and where to stand with his/her own principles in life, to understand others rather than trying to be understood by others, and for him/her to learn how to admit mistakes when he/she have to. Positive-ness. so that he/she will have a positive outlook towards life and self pity will not be entertained. More love, so that with everything that he/she must do, love will always lead him/her to a Godly direction. And the most important of all, God centered- so that he/she will not just fear God, but also he/she will have big faith and respect to our almighty.

I also realized, that becoming a parent would demand so much from God just to protect their child. And I know, this is only the beginning of new experiences. But for now, I will let each day unfold for us. I will savor each moment of gladness. I will let God form our lives :)

Happy Friday!

THANK YOU

Photo credits: www.quoteswave.com

Thank you 

For the gift of giving and receiving love

For the majestic beauty of nature

For the ability to make someone smile

For all the people who have shown me kindness

For the support and encouragement of friends and family

For they have lift my spirits and made me fly

Thank you

For the talents I have been given

For my health and home

For the delightful pleasure of a shared meal

For the glory of music and art

For the eyes and ears that receive it

For the gift that is Life

Gratitude is the antidote to self pity

Being Thankful is recognizing our blessings

Everyday I wake up, I'd make sure that before anything else, before kissing my beau good morning, I'd thank God for another day of blessing :) Have a blessed friday everyone!