Pregnancy Blues Part 2

I am on my 3rd month of pregnancy now. I don't feel better, but it isn't as bad as it was from last 2 months of pregnancy. This is the first Christmas and New Year Holidays that I wanted to end quickly so I can reach the 4th month already. I am hoping I am not one of those who have a hard time through out the 9th month of pregnancy.

I still have my pregnancy blues, but it is manageable now, I guess. Less vomiting have done a lot in my mood. I am trying to act normal when people are around but I still have my introvert side more dominant on this phase of pregnancy. I am glad that there were less invites for Christmas parties and reunions as I really can't force myself to socialize so much.

I am at work now. I just forced myself since I don't have leave credits anymore, knowing that holiday hang over won't make the office busy and toxic. But I am so bored. I feel like time wasted here would have been a time gained spending with loved ones. Yet, who can complain? This is ADULTING! Responsibilities, commitments, accountability and integrity, traits which we promised our employer so we could be employed. These are also the traits we want our children to grow up with. And so I need to be a role model. I need to show how it is done. I cannot preach what I cannot practice.

So what else can I say? Oh, yes! We will be celebrating the New year holidays with my relatives at mom side in Laguna. I forced myself to believe that a new ambiance and reuniting with few,closed relatives would make me feel better. And at the very least, I don't have to do the grocery shopping and the cooking. Just a financial contribution will do! Road trips were also doing wonders with my pregnancy blues so it would be a nice short getaway for me and for my family.

I am also missing already the old me. The girl who's excited for holidays, the girl who's open to tireless shopping and Christmas preparation and sleepless nights for chitchat and movie marathon without feeling so exhausted and sick right after. I miss the girl who loves waking up in the morning alone because she wants to enjoy her cup of coffee without distractions. I miss the girl who's always have food cravings and can eat anything at anytime of the day without feeling sick afterwards. I just miss how it was when  my body is at its normal state.  The girl who is always happy. I know this pregnancy blues will soon end. I just can't wait for that day!

I've been complaining for 3 months now, and to be honest, I still can't enjoy my pregnancy journey. Physical pain and discomfort can really take a toll on my emotions and mental state. All I pray now is for God to give me strength, give me more endurance, and to see the positive side in this situation. I pray for more patience and understanding of the pain I feel everyday since I found out I am pregnant. I pray too that the people around me, who wants the best for me and the people who are trying to help will have more patience and understanding too of my situation. Please forgive me Lord for my impatient behavior, forgive me for the bad things I have said when I feel discomfort. Please forgive me for my hopelessness. I know this things will pass. And at the end of all these challenges, I would witness a blessings that is on the way. Truly you are a God of greater deal! You want what's best for us but you also want us to learn by experiencing all the process. Thank you for a glimpse of hope and positivism today. More to come please!

Pregnancy BLues

My life has its up side down, I don't know where to start whenever I wanted to talk about life. But I know, I just got to do it to have a quiet and peaceful mind. I'm going wild and crazy, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. It is so hard to define what I feel in one word, but I will try. I'm going to use the word "ambivalent" which is a medical term for emotional hype of a pregnant woman. I feel contented, I am looking forward to what is in store for me next year, I am excited for the 2nd baby on the way, but, but, I am worried, anxious, scared. Even so, I am exhausted, restless, tired. So many responsibilities, so many errands that needs to be done. There is so much in my plate and I don' t know what to do first. I am suffocated by my mind running wild 24/7.

As I type this post, I feel all the physical discomfort of my pregnancy. Nausea, vomiting, dizziness, heartburn/acid reflux, back-pain. These physical discomfort have been leading me to depression sometimes. Feeling all the discomforts while doing all the house hold chores, and working in the office is one hell of a ride. And when people say "its okay", its a normal phase of pregnancy", you will get through it soon" I just really want to punch them in the face. Like yeah, let's see if its okay, and if its normal and if you can patiently wait while painfully experiencing all these and you cannot even exempt yourself from your responsibilities as a wife, a mother and a worker.

I become very anti social. People around me just irritates me so much! All I want is my husband and my daughter.

I need more strength and patience to endure all these discomforts. I hope I can survive another month with all these symptoms. And I really do hope it will be done by 2nd trimester because I cannot take it anymore :(