But when that someone so dearly in our lives is gone. And we are all alone negating all about we've done and sacrificed for the one we love so truly. That's time we realized that the love we thought was unselfish and full of humility, were all gone wrong. That too much love for someone is a sinful selfishness. That sacrificing our own priorities in life is somewhat the mere proof that we are only loving nobody but ourselves. We blame people that they made our life miserable. We blame outside influence why we get hurt. We think that life is just not fair. That God did take side of others lives than of us.
As I watched the movie...there was only thing that seemed to be so bright. That we loved, because we decided to love. That we were in this certain level of our lives because we chose to step up. Strong emotions got us weary, curiosity boosted, and so our desire to why not give it a try. We wouldn't be loving someone if we did not command our heart and mind to set up the way it does. We can never blame somebody of our misery. We love because we want it. We delivered ourselves through it. It's not the gushing water from ocean that pushes as close to the people we dear and hurt us on the verge of our love for them. Nor the wind that forced us to fly and falls down to someone that would just caused us pain. It's only us. We can choose to be happy. We can choose to play life safe and never step up for something new. We can choose not to love. We can choose whom we will love. We can choose anything we want. And a lesson that I now keeping in mind is this; all our chosen path has its own carrying consequences. It has all the pros and cons in it. We can choose to love and with that, we also are choosing to get hurt. We can choose to keep still and never allow someone to get in us, and yet we are like, accepting that we will forever be alone, having what if's hanging in our minds.
As I typed this, I am thinking of what my life would have been if not about my chosen decisions way back? If I chose not to risk. How will I define love now? If not about my mistakes on choosing whom to love and risking the border of my being. How would I know how it feels to be devastated? It's as if, I am very grateful that love once..had been my disease. Because it encompasses now what I am. I am molded not of what I've learned from books I read, neither from what love movies have taught me nor the stories of other people that surrounds me. I learned all my lessons about life, particularly in love, perhaps because I was too brave to risk everything. That I had my now and never set of mind. I tell myself now 'if everything on my past had gone smoothly and right, will I be having a chance to meet my guy now?' :) And as time goes by, I pride myself saying.. am living my life peacefully and lovingly. Just the mere presence of his life on mine fills so much of what I had been missing since my life before him. I have never been this peaceful. And overwhelming satisfaction almost suffocates me.
My heart is at its happy place (as what I have said thousand of times). It so easy, uncomplicated and yet, its filled of excitement and enthusiasm for the relationship. We never or we seldom talk about our past. Though we have passed that times on our early stages of relationship. We often look forward to new, fresh starts. And we always love to plan and look for things we dreamed to have. And by looking means, we canvass, we sort out plans, we set aside savings and we drop unimportant things that we think will hinder everything we had in mind ahead of us :) I know I sound so good to be true, but thats the way it is! That's how my relationship goes with JP and I am so happy being with him.We have our flaws together. We argue, we do fight, we have small petty tampuhan. And we get jealous sometimes. But I know that is only a part of us being together. Being real and true. And most especially. Joyful :)
