When the big rock hits me back last year june 2011..I was so devastated. thinking that I will never let anyone or anybody to hurt me that way again. It was a long haul of sadness and miseries. I was lost and mostly depressed. For almost 6 months I had experienced too much hatred in my heart...until i had a chance to talk again with this person who caused me all these..and that, the final closure begun. the final talks and goodbyes were given. and one day, i just woke up relieved that it all had happened. That, finishing all that we started as lovers in a very humble way could help me take away all my hatred in my heart, until it was easier for me to move on. Forgiveness was given as well. And becoming single had soon take place to be the most exciting opportunity that i personally believed God has fated me. I vowed to be the most out going (maybe a little exaggerated with this part) and most happy go lucky girl in town! :) And i guessed it happened, not totally the best in town, but the best to feel worthy again for myself. feel capable of my own. being more accountable of my own happiness. to be independent. i was braver than when i was in a relationship. all the insecurities had gone away. I am just a flying happy bee! And then i thought, 'it would be hard to give up again this singlehood and freedom that God let me possess now, and it will be harder for someone (a man to be precise) to easily linger around and get into me'. At first, it was easy. I could easily turned down offers of date, of courtship and the sort of that mushy ways of guys to get in me. Until this guy. A typical (jologs) and naturally clever guy. I almost forgot...fate would always be happy to tricked you in unexpected moments in your life, just like what happened to me. I was almost ready to embrace my single life for a long stretch....like for 3-5 years to be precise! And then there was this guy..who loosened my grip on my independent fun life. Unexpectedly, he got me interested in him. The first time we met, I could just feel that there's something between us. He never made anything so obvious, for me to think he might like me..But in a very strange way, I knew it. There was an invisible signal between us. He couldn't even look straight in my eyes whenever i tried to make a conversation with him. He played to be a snobbish sporty man. Well that's how i described him the first time we encountered each other on a sports :) He was good at it, and i was impressed. He also taught me some basics..but one thing i also noticed was, he had a hard time keeping close to me. He seemed too reserved within my presence..and i just couldn't help but think.. 'i think i got him bad hihi'! I didn't know why i kept on thinking he was into me, and worse..why i was too concerned to get my guts confirmed. He was just irresistible, he made me laughed too much with his own cracked jokes. he also was just too simple to even care of his looks, that made me feel more interested to get to know him and him to reciprocate the feelings. But i never had in mind that we would get far from that... far from, just be more closer as friends just like how close he was with our circle and common friends. but in a blink of an eye....everything had drastically changed. we even got closer than what's expected. we talked about non sense every day, every minute, every seconds. he always sing a song for me. he manage to keep my heart giddy and stomach crampy with his non stop jokes..even at times he could be so corny that it annoys me already! we have some dates, we talk about harmless things..until such time, we became more serious..we started talking about our passions, our past, our share of adversities in ones life, our family..and our dreams..and what person we have become and wanted to become in the coming years. Until without any words to noticed...we have fallen in love...not that we've planned. but more of, we have developed in as time went by. we were fond of each others company. we even have our simple misunderstandings and differences on how we view life..but life cant be just a smooth sailing all the time. it needs rough roads, big waves to attest how strong and far we can go..having each other by our sides. Life could never be easy..he has encountered his own dilemmas whether to pursue me,love me and choose me over a girl he used to love that's trying to win him back. and me struggling with my own confusion whether to believe and wait in vain for someone i also used to love over this guy who showed me how colorful the life can be. we were both struggling to make our own choices, we braved to let each other decide for what we think is best for us.. It was him who braved to choose first,,and I was just so touched to know he had chosen me..and here i was..having a hard time to choose over him and over someone overseas...(lol for that) but God knows best..fate knows best..time knows if its about time..and so i cleared my mind and made a choice...and I choose to be with him.....well the question is...who is who??? Well i could humbly say..its him the typical simple jologs guy who got me so bad :) maybe if you would ask him about how our story goes for him?? i just knew it would be different..but all that I am sure of..is the here and now..who we have and what we've got :) I'm just so happy to let myself loosen up..and to guard down a little bit to let this new relationship blossom! I know it wont be easy..i wont cover up our issues and frustrations right now...especially now that my parents weren't ready yet for me to have a boyfriend..but i know he would fight for me.
And now, i braved to blog about this story just after we had talked on phone..he has this great idea that made me have goosebumps for the reason..he was suggesting a thing that I had read from a christian book who authored by Joshua Harris without knowing anything about it. He was aware I was reading such book. But he didn't know what was in stored in there. I was surprised he opened up that we read verses from a bible everyday..and to give our share of beliefs and opinion about it. he also asked me to read something, and reflect on it..and that he wants me to share it with him. He also wanted to make our relationship to be purely Holy and Godly. Of course it caught me off guard. I was not a religious person, although i do believe in God. I don't even read a bible and i don't know even one verse from the bible! he asked me if i ever read a bible, and for the first time in my life..i felt ashamed that i don't. It was overwhelming to have a kind of boyfriend like him...It was all new to me!!! But i remembered myself praying once...that Lord would give me a kind of guy who will devote his love for me in the name of Big guy up there..and I just can't believe how fast he is giving this answers to me!!! I didn't know how to respond, I even stammered when I tried..so I just simply said 'yes we'll do that, that's a great idea'. and he even asked me if we could follow certain part of the book I am currently reading (boy meets girl) that I had mentioned to him once to be applied in our relationship.....and all that I could do is to.. swallowed hard..and answered 'yes its fine with me. its going to be rough but i'll take the challenge'. I wont be in details about what it is..maybe you should find it (the one we were planning about to do) out yourself by reading this book (boymeetsgirl by joshuaharris) it doesn't need to be followed rules by rules or word for word..it was written to be a guide, to encourage goodness, godliness and holiness towards our partner..our relationship..this could help to enlighten our hearts and have a whole new perspective towards romance.
I don't really know how it will work for us. But I know its going to bring out the best in me, with the help of someone my heart truly loves right now. Actually we have lots of meaningful conversations and plans (the easy to grasp reality plans..not just those cliche wish washy plans) for our immediate future. I just think its too early to brag all of them. And maybe my admitting he is now my "boyfriend" is enough to overwhelm you guys..so I will give you time to take it all in hehe...Nonetheless I am Happy :) and ohh...I am ecstatic to meet his fellowship in their ministry, he promised and was planning to bring me there once in the coming days. Idk why it was taking too long..but i think it also has to do with him being active in the ministry..i was curious but I just let it off..I couldn't brave to speculate things when it involves God himself..as long as he stay Good and Honest..then we will be fine :)
So yeah here it goes...my new saga had begun..it can be also a perfect gift for our second monthsarry hiihi! was it too much to divulge. Sorry to get you shocked..but we're 2 months in love ahhihihi! Im crazy in love again..as what matatanda (oldies) would say..;tsk tsk mga kabataan talaga walang kadala dala!' haha.. But I am confident with this one..it's different from my past relationships, he's by far the most unique among the guys i used to love..ask me why..but I just knew it by heart :)
"You need to know that I'm in love with you. And I want you to choose me instead of him." - Jacob Black, Eclipse
ooopsiieeeeee! relate much! :D ciao darlings
