Hi guys. I know i had been quite a promise breaker last month. I was just so busy, thinking and thinking about the things that was happening to me. The sudden events that makes me think if i am taking the right track. Most of the time now, I've been a happy bee! And it wasn't i fib. But sometimes, out of the mid day, I would lost off track. Sometimes i would begin to feel sad, or upset, or disappointed at something. I don't know. That's just how my mind , feelings and emotions runs for the rest of the week. My parents we'rent here for the past whole week, and i must honestly say, I felt glad they had gone that long. I was given a chance to relax, and release all my tension in my system that somehow my parents brought to me. The pressure to get into my nursing career. The pressure to make it and work in Jed-ha. To help out with the expenses. To help put up a business. The pressure i might be emotionally, physically and psychologically wrecked by the time it all happened and i get too old and still have not yet find my own happiness, my own life, my own plans to settle for good for a man I will truly love. i am afraid that they might give me too much responsibilities and nothing from those will I ever make. I fear I will disappoint them. Until such time that all of us becomes emotionally damaged already. It's not that i am being selfish, not that I don't want to help my family. Of course I do! With all of my heart and soul I would love to be the one who could give them their dream life. But i'm just so scared their putting me too high expectations and it stops me from taking an action now for fear i will fail. And that rejection by them come after. Maybe I'm just over thinking things and it complicates everything. I know i only have to take one step at a time, which what i am trying to do now but, they some what being impatient about it. I promised that i need to fix myself before they get back. And make sure they'd see something positive on me and my effort to pursue what they'd been taunting me at for almost a year now. I thought their vacation would be a good way to somewhat replenish their minds of good things on our family, on our lives. But when they got back early this morning, I couldn't help myself but to feel unease knowing they are around me. Observing and noticing every small moves I make inside our home. Most of the time now, I don't feel like i am home. That were slowly drifting apart not physically but emotionally as a family. I very well know that i shouldn't brag too personal about my life but I just can't help it. This is what's been circling on my mind almost everyday and i know I need to drastically drain it off my system. This also stops me from blogging the exciting moments I have with special people in my life. Also the exciting plans I have in mind. It was being clouded by negativity now. Add up my friend (also my HS crush) that's now blocked me on Facebook site and dont talk to me any longer for the reason I turned down his plan to pursue me. I can't explain what I feel now. I know I need to go far away from here. I need to be somewhere else. Somewhere I can be my own. Somewhere I can think clearly. Somewhere i won't be hearing their complaints, their demands and feel the obligations they're putting me. I need to get out here. i need to move out. Please if you know a place I can be right now just private message me. I will appreciate a little help by giving me suggestions. And please something not too expensive. I am quite broke since my last salary from my last job. Maybe that one also summed up my negativity these days.
P.s. My apology for making this blog my 'Buena Mano' for month of June. I will make it up on you next time. sigh. Life is a whole pack of game, and it was tricky you might hit the end part...and it's going to be all over. And you can never return back to play the game for the second time around.
