Chapter 44
Valerie
Time heals all the wounds. She know this better than most. Yet she still feels surprised by it now, marveling that the mere passage of days can feel like gradual magic. she is not yet over him, but she no longer misses him in an acute, painful ways, and she has made peace with what happened between them, even if she doesn't fully understand it. she thinks about what she told nick's wife-that he never loved her- and wonders of this is true, part of her still clinging to the belief that what they shared was real.
But as more time passes, this hope dwindles and she begins to see their relationship merely as an impossible fantasy, an illusion born from need and longing. and she decides that "just because two people believe in something, however intensely, doesn't make it real."
And there is the matter of tessa, the woman she envies and pities, fears and respect all ot once. She replays their conversation a hundred times, even repeating it to jason, before she can fully grasp what transpired in the back of the bookstore on that bitterly cold January evening. nick's wife had thanked her. she had listened to another woman confess to falling in love with her husband, making love to her husband, and yet she thanked her, seemingly accepting her apology or atleast not rejecting it. the whole scenario was unlikely, so far-fetched, that it began to almost make sense, just it when charlie began to love summer, a girl who had once tormented him on the playground.
It was about grace, she decides, something that has been missing from her own life. whether she waas born with a shortfall of it or lost it along the way. valerie can't be sure.but she wants it now. she wants to be the kind of person who can bestow unearned kindness on another, replace bitterness with empathy, "forgive only for the sake of forgiving."
She wants it so desperately that she does the very thing she once vowed she'd never do. she makes a phone call- and she makes it from the waiting room at the hospital while charlie is in his second hour surgery with his new surgeon. she listens to the phone ring, her throat constricting as she hears the apprehensive hello on the other line. "is this romy?" she ask, her heart pounding. the woman replies yes, and valerie feels herlself hesitate, thinking the night of the accident and what she still sure was romy's negligence, then charlie's last surgery when romy barged uninvited, into this very room, then the afternoon in the school parking lot when romy spotted her with nick.
Despite these images, she stays on course, saying, "this is valerie anderson".
"oh hello. how are you? how is charlie?" romy asks, gentleness in her voice that was either missing in prior exchanges or that valerie simply overlooked. "he's doing well. he's in surgery now" she says. "is he okay?" romy asks. "no. no..i didnt mean..i mean, yes he is fine. its a routine surgery to refine an earlier graft. he's good. he really is." valerie says, realizing that she is no longer nervous about charlie's face or hand or heart. not in the way she once was.
Thank goodness" romy says. "im so happy to hear it. so happy. you just dont know." valerie feels herself, choke up as she continues, well. i just wanted to call and tell you that. that charlie is doing well..and that romy?. "yes?". "i dont blame you for what happened". its not exactly the truth, valerie recognizes, but is close enough.
She doesnt remember the rest of the conversation, or exactly how she and romy leave things, but as she hangs up, she feels a heavy burden being lifted from her heart.
And it is in that moment that she decided she has another phone call to make one that is six years overdue. she does not yet know what she will say, whether she will even be able to find him, or whether forgiveness will flow in either direction. but she knows that she owes it to him, and to charlie, and even to herself. to try.
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wow..had read this twice. sometimes i couldn't let go of one chapter just because of the words, and feelings and emotions they were portraying to. it was awesome how each and every character could be that close to me, as if i knew them all along, as if I've been on their shoes once, as if i were..them. maybe the character and the situation may vary in our lives but one thing is for sure..however different our situations were, how we react, how we try to stand up, how we perceived that moment..it will always be the same.
ps: i want you to see how reading such kind of books (though cliche for some) can help you discover of what you really are. express what you really feel. and learn that in life, you are not alone. that theres someone out there, that may be experiencing what you were going through..maybe worst you know. so stand up! live a life! it will not and will never be always happy and smooth..but it will make you a better person ;)
