HEART OF THE MATTER

Chapter 44
Valerie

Time heals all the wounds. She know this better than most. Yet she still feels surprised by it now, marveling that the mere passage of days can feel like gradual magic. she is not yet over him, but she no longer misses him in an acute, painful ways, and she has made peace with what happened between them, even if she doesn't fully understand it. she thinks about what she told nick's wife-that he never loved her- and wonders of this is true, part of her still clinging to the belief that what they shared was real.

But as more time passes, this hope dwindles and she begins to see their relationship merely as an impossible fantasy, an illusion born from need and longing. and she decides that "just because two people believe in something, however intensely, doesn't make it real."


And there is the matter of tessa, the woman she envies and pities, fears and respect all ot once. She replays their conversation a hundred times, even repeating it to jason, before she can fully grasp what transpired in the back of the bookstore on that bitterly cold January evening. nick's wife had thanked her. she had listened to another woman confess to falling in love with her husband, making love to her husband, and yet she thanked her, seemingly accepting her apology or atleast not rejecting it. the whole scenario was unlikely, so far-fetched, that it began to almost make sense, just it when charlie began to love summer, a girl who had once tormented him on the playground.

It was about grace, she decides, something that has been missing from her own life. whether she waas born with a shortfall of it or lost it along the way. valerie can't be sure.but she wants it now. she wants to be the kind of person who can bestow unearned kindness on another, replace bitterness with empathy, "forgive only for the sake of forgiving."


She wants it so desperately that she does the very thing she once vowed she'd never do. she makes a phone call- and she makes it from the waiting room at the hospital while charlie is in his second hour surgery with his new surgeon. she listens to the phone ring, her throat constricting as she hears the apprehensive hello on the other line. "is this romy?" she ask, her heart pounding. the woman replies yes, and valerie feels herlself hesitate, thinking the night of the accident and what she still sure was romy's negligence, then charlie's last surgery when romy barged uninvited, into this very room, then the afternoon in the school parking lot when romy spotted her with nick.


Despite these images, she stays on course, saying, "this is valerie anderson".


"oh hello. how are you? how is charlie?" romy asks, gentleness in her voice that was either missing in prior exchanges or that valerie simply overlooked. "he's doing well. he's in surgery now" she says. "is he okay?" romy asks. "no. no..i didnt mean..i mean, yes he is fine. its a routine surgery to refine an earlier graft. he's good. he really is." valerie says, realizing that she is no longer nervous about charlie's face or hand or heart. not in the way she once was.

Thank goodness" romy says. "im so happy to hear it. so happy. you just dont know." valerie feels herself, choke up as she continues, well. i just wanted to call and tell you that. that charlie is doing well..and that romy?. "yes?". "i dont blame you for what happened". its not exactly the truth, valerie recognizes, but is close enough.

She doesnt remember the rest of the conversation, or exactly how she and romy leave things, but as she hangs up, she feels a heavy burden being lifted from her heart.

And it is in that moment that she decided she has another phone call to make one that is six years overdue. she does not yet know what she will say, whether she will even be able to find him, or whether forgiveness will flow in either direction. but she knows that she owes it to him, and to charlie, and even to herself. to try.
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wow..had read this twice. sometimes i couldn't let go of one chapter just because of the words, and feelings and emotions they were portraying to. it was awesome how each and every character could be that close to me, as if i knew them all along, as if I've been on their shoes once, as if i were..them. maybe the character and the situation may vary in our lives but one thing is for sure..however different our situations were, how we react, how we try to stand up, how we perceived that moment..it will always be the same.

ps: i want you to see how reading such kind of books (though cliche for some) can help you discover of what you really are. express what you really feel. and learn that in life, you are not alone. that theres someone out there, that may be experiencing what you were going through..maybe worst you know. so stand up! live a life! it will not and will never be always happy and smooth..but it will make you a better person ;)

AGUA

I know most of you won't believe it but.....

..but really, mostly people would say,i have resemblance with Ms. Andi Eigenmann. sometimes they say angel locsin!wow so they're kidding me i know! we're on the same shoes! but really...it was very flattering and overwhelming at the same time. i guess it's only because of photo angle or make up or whatsoever! but i also wish i had those pretty pointed nose of ms. andi (a.k.a aguabendita). i'm just glad that i am getting such compliments, and being compared to these beautiful young lady which is absolutely enough....by far 2 of my favorite :) so..that is that! good night everyone!

WEIRD. NERD. EYEGLASS.

Haha! i was so bored and thought of borrowing my little bro's nerd white glasses. i don't know where he bought it but..its cool and hip. and i think i like it! you think it's bagay (suits) to me??? puh-lease be hoooonest!!!!

MY BACKLOGS OF 2011

as what i promised, i would be posting my backlogs last december 2011, things and event i had done and attended. whats been keeping me busy. and all that. but the more i thought of doing it, the more i could'nt start of typing anything about my whereabouts haha. well i know its not funny especially if you are (just if in case) reading my blogabouts regularly, you would have feel disappointed of my stagnant page. my apology!!! i had done a lot of things (some were non sense) that caused my backlogs. and i am making it up now guys, but only the summary, since it will be taking too much time if i will blog it one by one. and also my apology since i didn't have a chance to take a shot of all the places and events and people i had been with last december. it was because......uhm i dont know,didnt got a chance. sometimes some big days are better left unsaid, weren't it?? :)

So this maybe, i owe you a little explanation. I've been in a lot of thinking when the month of December came along. there were circumstances that i never saw coming. it surprises me and makes me think crazy things. some confuses me. some really makes me sad and a little depress. and so i decided to keep off from too much posting at the time. i mean, to be able to understand and see things clearly, you have to be distant so you would have a better look of the picture. and that what i did. it seemed to me that i have found the answer, but not completely understand why was it happening, but i just thought that, over thinking will make everything more complicated. so i chose to just let the flow of life run smoothly. let other people be happy of my presence.  sometimes you don't have to understand everything to be able to be happy, to be able to help others. sometimes, the best way to help them is to keep silent, but make them feel that you are there when they needed a friend. someone to count on.
well sorry, i thought i was summarizing here haha. so looking back to my last days of 2011. it was really one of the great! overwhelming indeed!!

first off was my holidate with boyfran lauren:

the bags!!mine was the black one from sophie, and her was the skinned tone from landmark makati.

this happened to be our christmas date. we vowed to shop for our new outfits until then we realized it wasn't our thing anymore. like we felt it dont make us feel happy and satisfied as what it could done to us before. so we vowed to make new hobby together. to have a new travel plans next time!and what was that? that's the thing you have to find out next time :)

ps: for more photos visit my facebook account. but make sure you're my friend

next stop:

my traditional nigh out with my bffs (also my friends from elementary and highschool years). its awesome to think that we manage to get together still whether with occasion or in an ordinary day. but December was something we can't totally break!

third stop:

was with xebum and with her boyfriend's company. i just tagged along, and i could say..i had fun :) but its more fun if we were with our sophomore girl friends. right kumareng bum?? its at Circa Eastwood btw.

next ride:

was with sophomore highschool friends (guys at most!)

it was the planned reunion day and sadly most of them couldn't make it. but still we decided to make it happen though we are not complete..and unexpectedly, it turned out that we had a blast!

and that was it! my last days of december 2011 (: still have more backlogs but i get easily tired nowadays. i don't know whats wrong with my body clock but i'm trying to really make up with sleep. it sucks when i woke up so groggy and easily irritated. so that's all for now! i will keep you posted anytime soon :) i have lots of things to do yet, and i can't find time to take a nap today. and yeah this day wasn't also one of the great day,my luck is really hiding good from me! but i will keep my hopes up still have two or three stops to make :) ciao! 

BTW highway! if you want to see the complete albums please visit my my fb profile