Before I begin. Happy New Year to all!!!! I hope your long holidays were filled of joy and happiness :) And also I wish us all a prosperous 2013! Let me guess.. you have bought your newest journal right?? Or you have already availed one from Starbucks? haha I understand you folks, I myself, owns one now :D And it came from my lovely man Jp. It wasn't the expected cute, girly stuff like of daily journal, but who cares? I still have my blog to brag my errands in life right? I most preferred this than a journal. But because Jp and I vowed to make our daily devotion be written every single day. We came up having our own daily journal for this year.
Anyways, that was just a little sharing for this month and also for those that happened last December since, I am itching to do some kind of you know, article of my own?!! haha! Well seriously, I think I really want to give it a try. It will be just a random thoughts of mine. So please bear if you find it uninteresting, or foul or whatsoever. Just please bear with me guys.
Career or Her? How do I mean about this? One night, I came across a friend who was having an emotional dilemma regarding this. She told me a lot about her insecurities that suddenly came out when she and her boyfriend have been together for almost a year. She told me about how she was fine and okay with the past girl that came into his man's life... before her. She did not even bother when the guy opens up about it, and she, most of the time pushes her guy to go, meet, and talk to the girl whom, that moment could not moved on from him.
"I was not at all jealous. I was open with everything that concerns her." "Not until now".. she said.
"I don't know, but since I came across her once and I saw her clearly, my mood for the past weeks has changed. I studied her look. She's not a total "It" girl, but you can call her pretty. And it hit me... boy I'm insecure". "Days and time went by, and I keep on crawling and lurking about this girl. How I compared my look, and our ways of dressing up. Our hair. And the one that really breaks me was, when I compared our career. Then it hit me. I think she was way better in terms of career than I do. I think she's also way smarter than I do. I think people were really impressed of her brain, and they were just okay with my so called-- pretty face look. Then once again.. it hit me. I was merely intimidated of her. My heart is thrumming so hard, whenever I would feel her presence somewhere, more-so when I saw her clearly.. face to face." It came to a point that I would blame my guy for having feel this way. I would shout at him without his knowledge of the real reason. I would just tell him petty excuses why I suddenly scolded at him. Whenever I would have an encounter with the girl, whether at malls, at groceries, or on the road to work, I would automatically start a fight with my man for my petty reasons. Until such time, I could take it no longer. I burst out crying on him, pleasing him to leave me alone and all that dramatic scenarios. Just name it! But he was patient, at the same time curious of what was really going on. And so I opened up. I blurted how many times I did encounter his past girl, and how many times I pretended and ignored that I never does. And how many times I ignored that I sensed he's pretending, not seeing her. I'd been straight forward. Even acting like a baby while asking stupid questions such as "is she prettier?" "is she smarter?" does she have better career than I do?" And so, he answered, with full honesty that it breaks my heart. Most especially on the part when I asked him in terms of career. I don't know why it feels so heart breaking. Why it impacted me big. Though I have a career of my own? Though I am also making my own living. Why am I comparing our salaries? Whats the real deal? It's as if I wanted to be better in all certain attributes that concerns her. I want to outshine her! And boy I was too brave to blurt it all out with my man. And as my acting better half, my boyfriend tried his best to absorbed every bits of emotions i just told him, and tried to explain how he feels towards my uneasiness. And he mostly focused on one thing. "The Career or Her".
"I thought I was in love on her. Turned out, I was just in love on her career."... my man said.
"i'd been lying on myself for a long stretch of year, realizing lately that I was not really in love with her. I came to realize it, when she started achieving her dreams and have had a degree and a profession of her own. A very big thing she called "her only pride". She suddenly changed. The way she treat me and my family. She most of the time insulting me and my own career and how little I am earning. She was starting to step on my ego really hard. I was starting to get pissed. Until such time, that she was in control of my whole life! I could not do or make anything without her permission. Although that's a normal given I was in a relationship. But she was too much. I was intimidated for the first time being a man, trying to chased after her girl and man up for all she was demanding. I tend to noticed she was also using me of her advantage, like always asking me to pick her up and drop her at their home, without even appreciating me and all that I do. And most especially, not paying so much attention of my presence. She was too high. I kept on telling myself, it wasn't the relationship I wanted. But I did not know exactly why I couldn't leave her. Was it because I really love her. But I know for sure it was not. And suddenly.. it hit me. I am not inlove with her anymore. It was her career that I adored and all the hardship I made to support her all the way to her dreamed profession. I wanted her, because I invested big on her. And people around us, keeps on telling me, "man don't dare to let this intelligent girl go or you'll lose". I was afraid I might really lose big if I decide to break her up. Until one tragic unexpected cheating happened. That was the time I fully decide about leaving her. She stooped down to her limit of insulting me and my being a man. I was not that inlove on her so it was easier for me to realized, "she is not my lost". And when we broke up, I realized, I only want to be in a relationship that filled of love, humility, and understanding. I told myself, "career is not merely an attribute to loving someone." "It is more of the pure and real love and the respect you show to your partner."
As a listener to my friend's shortcomings with regards to insecurities she was experiencing, I made sure to carefully analyzed her situation. Where is she coming from all these. What are the stressors that surround her. From the very secured to becoming jealous and too paranoid. As a woman, I think it's normal to suffer from this negative emotions from time to time. It is a reminder, that we are truly inlove with our partner. Whether you are a boy or a girl. Jealousy is a normal response, when someone is being territorial and threatened that his/her significant other might steal away from them. But, if it affects you day and night. And if it is the root of all your fighting with your partner, and if you're becoming miserable just because you see an ex-significant person doing better than you. And if you are already wishing and praying her down and crashing her career. Boy you need to terribly fix things on yourself and try to put awareness the way you think towards, and against others.
It's okay to feel insecure once, twice or many times in your life. But you have to know when to end this up. You need to move on and do good things, not to impress and out-win others (specially those you see as your competitor) but to improve your personality. See that your counting your blessings more, and not the other way around. Be emotionally secured, by opening up as early as possible to your partner, rather than whining like a baby, and letting your partner draw their own conclusion of what is really going on. Things in a relationship were quite simple. We just make it complicated, because our mind was affixed to the notion of wanting to be better than the others. Especially of the significant ex of our partner. Whatever good attribution somebody has, always remember that you also have your own. Don't try to impress people just to show off that you are way better than the one they have known already. Remember, you're partner is with you now, because he sees the good in you. He sees the potential of making things work with you. Guys are very meticulous when entering a new relationship because they fear, they might end up a prisoner, because the girl was trying to control their lives. Make sure you don't fall to these categories. Because it will impact your man's decision big in terms of planning to settle down. Be grateful enough that you have your partner, and when he says he's happy with you, believe. When he says, I choose you because I see your heart the most beautiful amongst other girl , believe. When he says, you're pretty and the prettiest, believe. When he says, I don't care what your career is and how much you are earning, believe. And when he says, I love you and you're the one for me. Just believe. It is plain and simple. Men are plain and simple. So don't be too hard on them when your relationship is crossing this bridge. Speak up. Be honest. Be calm. Trust. These are the few keys to a healthy you and a healthy relationship. More importantly, be yourself, and believe me, you don't have to fret of losing you partner, staying as you are will make the relationship goes a long way. :)
